the tension

So, I've had that lump in my throat all day at Catalyst...the kind that could easily turn into weeping if I were alone, and the kind that only remains a lump through which no words can escape and only a few tears make their way out of my eyes. The Spirit is moving. I'm moved. Where? How? I'm still not even sure.

After hearing a bit about narcissism a little today, I relate in this very moment reflecting on the day at Catalyst, because there's a tension in me. One part wants to get things out, written words, for my own good, and then the other part says "why do you need to put that on your blog? Is it useful for building anyone up? Is it really helping anything being at a worldwide web address rather than just inside your head or heart?"

That tension is so meager in comparison with the tension between self and Spirit, pride and humility, fear and trust, insecurity and belonging. If you were to put each of those on opposites ends of a few ropes, I'd find myself in the middle, racing around among them all, rope to rope. But as the theme of Catalyst this year captures, "the tension is good." That, it is.

In this place in the middle it seems we're more reliant on the Spirit, rather than ourselves, and that's exactly where I need to be. So while I have no clear answers for my life in any areas where there are question marks, this much I know: follow the Spirit.

Listen.
Trust.
Surrender.
Follow.

There is no other answer.

13 days...

So...I'm really terrible at writing lately, but I do need to share this.

There are 13 days left to buy tickets for an upcoming event that is very near & dear to my heart for a ministry that is very near & dear to my heart: The Scarlet Hope Gala - An Evening of Hope.

On Friday, Oct. 1st, we're having a formal night at The Grand theater in downtown New Albany, IN that will include dinner, a silent auction, some great speakers, and a documentary about the life of a dancer. If you're not familiar with the ministry of Scarlet Hope, please check out this post I wrote awhile back or go to the Scarlet Hope website. We are simply taking the light of Jesus Christ into the darkness that is the sex industry in Louisville, KY. This requires some resources, and we're realizing as more and more girls are wanting to leave the industry that we need more money to help them take the next step.

This Gala isn't only a formal evening of fun, but it's truly an investment in this ministry. If you've got the night free, an old dress or suit to put on, and $75 to spare for a ticket, please join us! I'd love to have friends & family here to support this ministry for the evening--even if you make it a weekend trip to Louisville! If you're interested, please contact me ASAP or go to www.scarlethope.org to purchase tickets online.

If you can't attend, please pray for this event and for those who will be attending. Pray that it will be successful in sharing the word about the ministry to others in the Louisville/Southern Indiana area so that they can not only invest financially but prayerfully & with servant hearts as a part of this ministry.

Also, just as a side note that is not at all a minor detail: we celebrated with one dancer this past weekend as she was baptized! She is on fire for Christ right now, and honestly, it's teaching me that I've lost a passion for God's Word that she seems to have. Such a great reminder to those of us who have been believers for a long time...I'm humbled by her passion & reminded of my own complacency. Praise God with us for one more life changed...she is one of at least 3 within the past 2 months or so who have accepted Christ or rededicated their lives to Christ!

Bittersweet winner

Congrats to Sheri for winning the copy of Bittersweet!!! I drew your name first! :)

For the rest of you, if I had more $$, I'd buy you all a copy and send you one as well!!!

Bittersweet

I have a deep, deep love for Ghirardelli’s dark chocolate squares with caramel. There’s something about that little square (much too small, if you ask me) that brings bliss to the very moment I’m inhaling it…each bite cracking the outer shell until the sweet caramel comes oozing out the edges. In that instant dark chocolate meets caramel, and bitter meets sweet. Shauna Niequist's newest release, appropriately titled Bittersweet, is all about those moments in life when bitter and sweet embrace.

Just as I consume those Ghirardelli squares, I have devoured and savored every bite of Bittersweet. Shauna’s openness and honesty about loss and change and strain in her life make me feel like I’ve joined her at her amazing Crate & Barrel dining room table eating risotto and warm crusty bread partnered with a glass of sparkling wine. I find myself laughing out loud, tearing up, and in other moments wanting to shout out “ME TOO!”

Shauna writes with vulnerability about real, raw events in her life: tension in her marriage, traumatic miscarriages that left her feeling empty, and seasons that felt cold, lonely, and disorienting. Yet out of that vulnerability she exposes a deep sense of grace and gratitude for what has come through the cloudy seasons. Shauna articulates the blessing that comes after, even amidst, the bitter moments. She writes, “When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” Also, “the question is not, will my life be easy or will my heart break? But rather, when my heart breaks, will I choose to grow?”

Recently I keep finding the idea of a “beautiful exchange” in an assortment of channels: the new Hillsong album, lyrics to other songs, and now Shauna’s words in this literary treasure. They all point back to the beautiful exchange that IS the gospel. There’s a line on singer/songwriter Audrey Assad’s new album that says, “I’ve watched you carve streets of gold from the sin and gravel. I gave you brokenness; you gave me innocence, and now this road leads to glory.” There’s something about that line and Shauna’s words and my life that all string together like a handcrafted necklace I’d like to wear around, proudly displaying the grace and truth and forgiveness and growth and redemption that have become evident in my life through each change, each heartbreak, each loss.

Shauna writes that,

We really do need both the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy.

They say that dark chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, is better for you anyway. So it is with life.

While some of my own experiences haven’t been easy, they’ve made me become more deeply rooted, more sure of who God is. I’d give anything for my dad to be alive again, and I hate that my heart is afraid to love and be loved, and I hate that I’m sometimes paralyzed by irrational fears like the phobia of throwing up. Different hurts, pains, sins, and fears in my life can drown you if you let them, but they can also color in the waters that you’re wading through. God might not part the ocean for you to walk through on dry land, but He will be there to pick you up when you’ve been anchored by a difficult season.

Our stories—in good seasons and in bad—tell the greater story of who God is. When the bitter mixes in with the sweet, the gospel comes alive again in the reality of death and rebirth for humankind. Bittersweet is a refreshingly candid way that Shauna shares with her readers that greater story of hope. Her essays will inspire and confront you, give you hope in the darkness, and prove that beauty can come out of disarray.

Chances are good you’ll find very few writers like Shauna with whom you’ll resonate so closely. She’ll leave you hungry not only for food with her relentless culinary passion, but with each essay you’ll be hungry for more of her authentic and well-threaded words. If you’re new to Shauna’s writing, I’d highly suggest you go ahead and just order both of her books, Cold Tangerines and this new release, Bittersweet. You might as well, because you’ll get free shipping with orders over $25 on Amazon anyway, right? And I promise you’ll thank me later, but no need to send notes.

Also, Zondervan is allowing me to choose a winner to receive a free copy of Bittersweet. So here’s how I’m deciding: post a comment (include your email address) with your favorite song lyric—one that’s speaking to you, one that makes you laugh, one that tells your story—and I’ll put all the names in a hat and choose randomly. (If you don’t have a resonating song lyric right now, it’s ok!) I’ll contact you for your address if you’re the winner, and Zondervan will mail you your free book!

With all of that said, I plead with you for your own good, you must read this book. It’s as necessary as a Ghirardelli dark chocolate square with caramel at the end of a long day!

Just to entice you, click on this picture:

Scarlet Hope

I've got a lot of things on my mind lately concerning the Holy Spirit, especially after reading Frances Chan's book Forgotten God. But I'm not even sure where I'd begin sharing some of that, so I'm going somewhere else with this post...because I feel like the Spirit's leading that way anyway, and it's heavy on my heart.

Some of you know I've been serving with a ministry here in Louisville called Scarlet Hope. We are reaching out to women in the sex industry to share with them the love of Jesus...not just to see them leave their job, but more importantly to see the gospel transform their lives entirely. If they leave the sex industry, obviously that's a win.

Right now we're aware of numerous girls who are looking for other jobs and are desperate to leave the industry and find work elsewhere. But it's not so easy: some have felonies against them, some have drug & alcohol addictions, and needless to say, many employers just won't hire someone with stripping on their resume. It's just not easy.

There is so much that goes into seeing these girls' lives get turned around. Obviously, it starts with Jesus. But there are realistic needs with many of them needing rehab from drug use, counseling to cope with issues of rape & abuse, housing, food, childcare, education, and the list goes on and on... The approximate cost for helping a girl leave the industry is about $5,000. And we're just a team of girls who are trying to love these dancers...

The more girls that go into the clubs on our team, the more relationships that are built, and the more we're becoming aware of girls who want to leave the industry. We're in desperate need of funding to assist these girls in changing their lives. We need partners who can fund this ministry, people to create/find jobs or employers that will hire our girls, someone who can write grants as a passionate partner with this ministry. I'm writing because this is heavy on my heart today after going into the clubs last night, and we're getting to the point where it's almost overwhelming the needs we're seeing.

I don't even know how many people read this, but I feel like the Holy Spirit is asking me to write and share about this ministry. There are so many ways God is working through Scarlet Hope right now, and we're seeking His wisdom as we follow His lead in the clubs and in our friendships with the girls.

I left last night heartbroken. Weekly I notice these little menus in plastic stands that sit on the tables displaying options from a $15 lap dance ranging to a $250 VIP room. I hate that these girls' bodies are listed like a daily special at a restaurant, and I hate that there is a monetary value placed on them. And they deal with rejection, on top of that, when men turn them down for just a $15 dance. I just want them to realize that they're valued so much more than that...that Jesus gave His life for them, and there's no monetary cost that can show how much they're worth.

If you're reading this, please pray for the girls we encounter in the clubs each week. I can't share specifics here, but trust me when I say that they have more hurt and pain in their lives than many of us can imagine. Please pray on Thursday nights as we literally go into the darkness. Pray for people to give and partner with this ministry in the ways we need. Pray for opportunities to share about Jesus with them, and pray for open hearts and ears to hear.

If there is any way you'd like to find out more about the ministry, donate, find other ways to help, or even start a similar ministry in your city, check out www.scarlethope.org.

retreating

I'm spending this week on a team retreat in Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, TN with the rest of the student ministry team at Southeast. Above is our view from the cabin. It's pretty incredible having meetings overlooking that! We're planning, brainstorming, vision-casting, dreaming, scheduling, laughing, resting, and renewing. It's much needed for everyone on this trip (there are 16 of us).

While I'd love to share more, I just have to say that I had some great moments today sitting on a big rock in the middle of some rushing waters underneath me. I spent some much needed time in the Word, reflected on the weight and responsibility of ministry, and just prayed for vision in my own life.

For a few moments I paused, noticing the frigid waters and how swiftly they were moving. Compelled by a force from somewhere beyond, they were unstoppable, moving from one source to another. No rock, no stone of any size can hinder their current, and I couldn't help but pray the same for my life.

I pray that I will be like these swift waters, rushing toward the Source of all things...seeking only to know Him, being stopped or swayed by nothing. Sometimes I get stopped up on little rocks here and there, wondering where to go next, how to get there, assessing every little move, and I just felt the Holy Spirit saying today "Just keep moving!" I know we all get caught up by distractions, valid fears, problems, and situations in our lives that slow our current down, but I pray we'll be unstoppable. There is a force behind us, the power of the Holy Spirit, that moves us toward a goal-a Kingdom, actually-that is worth moving for.

I pray we'll move.

Springtime makes me want to do cartwheels.

"Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime." -Martin Luther

This makes me happy.
And not only happy, but joyful.

I pray we won't get lost in Easter eggs and baskets this year but that we'll keep the newness of life in Christ and His life in us alive.

(Also, I realize I haven't written much in a long time, nor do I write very often lately. I'd like to say that will change, but I can't make any promises. I do hope to write/share pics from my recent trip to the D.R., but it will be a few days.)

For now, I'm going to go run around outside. Literally. Because it's that beautiful out there.

sacred moments in the Psalms

I've been moved by the Psalms these days. As a lover of songs and words and music, the Psalms have always been my favorite. But it's like I just rediscovered their beauty again recently.

My church, Sojourn, has been going through the Old Testament for over a year, and they just finished up with the Psalms. Sunday morning I had some extra time before the 11:15 service (a rarity, this is, because I typically sleep as late as possible!), so I sat and read through some random Psalms to sort of "prepare my heart" for the morning. Sitting in my living room, I read them out loud to myself.

When I was reading one of them (I actually don't remember which Psalm), something moved me...I found my eyes actually welling up with a few tears, and I was a little choked up as I read out loud to myself. I'm not sure that had ever happened to me before. Typically I've relied on experiences to move me emotionally, and I was so moved by the Word alone that it surprised me, caught me completely empty-handed & unprepared. It was only for a few seconds, mind you, but I was moved, nonetheless. I don't discount the Holy Spirit's power at work in the Word.

At the worship time at Sojourn Gathered that morning, all the parents were asked to retrieve their kids from childrens church and bring them in to worship with us. After all, children looove to sing and dance, and they can teach us how to do it with an undignified heart. We worshiped and sang about how "He turned our mourning into dancing," and I was moved again. I remembered how somehow 3 years ago, even in the midst of mourning the loss of my Dad, I somehow can still find hope and joy in this life. And again, I think I held back a few tears while I was singing. The kiddos were rejoicing beautifully, some clueless why they were in the midst of boring adults, but they participated all the same. It was another beautiful moment in the Psalms.

This morning, I was reading Psalm 33, and yet again found such great beauty in this: the same God whose hands arranged the starry skies and could gather all the waters of the seas into jars also forms our hearts! I also notice now the word "forms" is in present tense rather than past. He is still forming our hearts. This is encouraging to me. (If anyone out there is a Hebrew scholar, I'd actually love to know if this is true in the original Hebrew writing...unfortunately I didn't take Hebrew in Bible College...)

I thought I'd simply share Psalm 33 and hope that you are moved by the beauty of the God who deserves all our praise. May we put our hope in Him.

¹ Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

² Praise the LORD with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.

³ Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy.

⁴ For the word of the LORD is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.

⁵ The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

⁶ By the word of the LORD were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

⁷ He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;
he puts the deep into storehouses.

⁸ Let all the earth fear the LORD;
let all the people of the world revere him.

⁹ For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

¹⁰ The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.

¹¹ But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

¹² Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD,
the people he chose for his inheritance.

¹³ From heaven the LORD looks down
and sees all mankind;

¹⁴ from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth-

¹⁵ he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

¹⁶ No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

¹⁷ A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

¹⁸ But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

¹⁹ to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

²¹ In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

²² May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

"The story takes care of the rest..."

I had to stop reading and get these words out in front of me.

I just started to read Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years a few days ago, and I'm already halfway through it. If I'd really wanted to, I could have finished it by now. I just like to read a little more slowly, almost as if to savor the words, when I really like a book. His words are an easy read, and mostly because he's simply telling a story about telling your story. He's telling his story and figuring out how to live his story. Have I said story enough?

I had to stop and think about my life for a moment when I read these words:

"...the story is what changes the character, not the inciting incident."
"The inciting incident is how you get them to do something," Ben said. "It's the doorway through which they can't return, you know. The story takes care of the rest."

"Robert McKee says humans naturally seek comfort and stability. Without an inciting incident that disrupts their comfort, they won't enter into a story. They have to get fired from their job or be forced to sign up for a marathon. A ring has to be purchased. A home has to be sold. The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen."

I'm still processing how I'm living out my story, or God's story, really. Half the time I'm not sure how I'm making the choices I'm making, sometimes aware, sometimes unaware, and I'm probably not seeking the great Writer's vision for the story nearly enough. I can't imagine His frustration with us, His characters, as we go our own ways and take the plot wherever we wish.

In the past year, however, He wrote into my story an inciting incident that has clearly changed the story for me. Maybe a series of inciting incidents... (I must first clarify that Miller's filmwriting friends define this "inciting incident" as some kind of "explosion" in the character's life.) These incidents in my own life may not have been a major explosion, but they were small enough contributors to the fire--emotional breakdowns, conversations that left me in tears, a feeling of being unfulfilled, ungodly discontentment, and very obviously doors that closed and opened at just the right times. Each of these was its own match that lit the fire of urgency in me to do something.

My life had reached a plateau, in a way. I was ready for a next step, and now looking back, these incidents led me to a choice: to move my entire life, all by myself, to Louisville. So I did it. It was my "doorway through which I couldn't return." I'm so unbelievably thankful I walked through that doorway.

My life, the story, God's story, is taking shape more and more each day. I'm so much more content. Circumstances are no longer stealing my joy. I love life. And while it is never perfect, I'm fulfilled by His promises and a community that is ever-growing me in my walk with Him. Never before had I imagined I'd be where I am...and I'm thankful.

I look forward to living out how this story is written. I hope to be a participatory character rather than one who sits around doing nothing. I've jumped into discomfort, into newness, into fear. And I've found that it's a good place. So I think I'll keep jumping in.

Help Heal Haiti...

So hard to believe I took this photo almost 7 years ago of the Presidential Palace in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, and today it looks like this:

I'm not even completely sure what to pray today after seeing these pictures, but if it's not very real to you, these pictures will make it that way. I just keep thinking about how shameful it is for us as Americans, as Christians, as humans to overlook great need until a time of devastation or tragedy hits. And then when it does, we focus our attention on it again and become people of prayer once more. When the shock value wears off, we go back to our normal lives and forget again...until another tragedy strikes.

Columbine was this way.
September 11th.
the VA Tech shooting.
Hurricane Katrina.
personal loss or the loss of someone else's loved one...

We forget how much sorrow lives on unless we're closely connected to it.

In a mass email from Keren Dongo, the Community Engagement Manager for the ONE.org campaign, I was struck with the reality of these words:

Haiti’s long struggle against poverty is now exacerbated, its needs now magnified, and the vulnerability of the Haitian people more greatly exposed.

This is what is most heartbreaking of all. Haiti is a country whose needs were more desperate than we could ever imagine, and now they are magnified. The people's vulnerability is exposed by the news stories, cameras flashing, and Americans who thrive on the story itself. Those who were already hurting and in great need are at a point of desperation.

I'm thankful we serve a God who offers forgiveness. I've been so convicted today that my heart has become hardened to the needs of the world until tragedy strikes. Awareness really is the first step, but there must be steps taken beyond that. Join me, if you will, in pleading for forgiveness for our selfish, forgetful hearts, and in praying that the Lord's sovereignty be made known around the world because of this tragedy.

He is sovereign.
He will heal.
He offers hope.
And He can use us to be vessels of that hope.

Will you carry it?

If you're looking for a tangible way to help, there are a million ways to do so. But here are a few organizations that you can check out for starters:
GO Ministries
Compassion International
World Vision
Haitian Christian Outreach (this is the organization through which I went to Port-au-Prince in 2002)
Haitian Christian Mission
Northwest Haiti Christian Mission
Help Heal Haiti

10 Words for 2010...

"For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."
~T.S. Eliot
(via Christine's blog...loved the quote so much I had to use it!)

There are a million things I want to do in 2010. Projects I want to start and finish, accomplishments I'd like to make, relationships I want to build upon, decisions I hope to make, dreams I want to dream, and more discoveries to make. But aside from those "things" or "goals" there are virtues or qualities I've decided to make my "10 Words for 2010."

My friend Faith and I spent some time reflecting upon the past year and looking forward to this new year with hope for growth in this new year. We had a conversation about how Benjamin Franklin lived by 13 virtues, so we decided to choose 10 words for 2010. So as I look forward with great motivation, I'm choosing these words.

This is who I hope to be, how I hope to live:

Courageous
Committed
Driven
Creative
Finisher
Resilient
Patient
Reverent
Prayerful
Decisive

Winter Snow

This is one of the simplest, most beautiful songs I've heard in a long time. I need to hear songs like these more often. I need these words. I need to hear the still, soft voice of the Lord singing through an audible voice like Audrey Assad's. Songs like this stop me in my tracks, force me to forget my distractions, and grab onto my heart until I'm completely consumed with their brilliance.

From each singular piano note to the smooth vocals and soft harmonies, this song makes you feel like you're sitting in your windowsill wrapped up in a blanket, mug of hot chocolate in hand, watching mysterious flakes of white fall into the night. The way that snowflakes fall so simply, quietly, beautifully, gracefully...describes so wonderfully the way Jesus arrived. So, as we wait in this season of Advent, remember Him in this way. Powerful, All-Knowing, Ever-Present, Completely Loving, Righteous, Perfect, Complex...but simple.

I beg you. Listen.

Winter Snow

Could've come like a mighty storm
With all the strength of a hurricane
You could've come like a forest fire
With the power of heaven in Your flame

But You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

You could've swept in like a tidal wave
Or in an ocean to ravage our hearts
You could have come through like a roaring flood
To wipe away the things we've scarred

But You came like a winter snow
(Yes, You did)
You were quiet
You were soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Oh, no, Your voice wasn't in a bush burning
No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind
It was still
It was small
It was hidden

You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Falling
(Oh, yeah)
To the earth below
You came falling
From the sky in the night

To the earth below

I'm still alive.

Just a promise of things to come...
I am alive. I will write again. Someday soon...

outside these doors

If I've learned anything about myself lately it's that my heart is growing more passionate for the people who might never step inside the doors of the church. I'm quickly and easily frustrated by Christians and churches who simply develop and maintain programming or products that aren't reaching outward. I realize there are organizations and ministries that are needed to encourage and edify those already a part of the church, but I have a hard time ignoring the call to go outside of that to reach those who would otherwise not know Him and know Life and Love. I also realize that my frustration takes me nowhere fast, and I'd like to avoid complacency if at all possible.

When I first moved to Louisville someone started telling me about a ministry I hadn't heard of before that piqued my interest. I found out more about it shortly thereafter, and just a couple weeks ago jumped on board with a ministry here called Scarlet Hope. Some women in the area had a passion to reach out to women in the sex industry who are mostly found stuck in a profession that leaves them less than satisfied and fulfilled. They had a passion to show these women the unconditional, fulfilling love of Christ that is offered to them even when they think they might not deserve it.

(As a sidenote, I encourage you to check out the Scarlet Hope website, especially the blog section, to find out more about what God is doing in a place that might not otherwise see or experience His hope. I can only share with you the details that are on the website, for obvious reasons, but I'd love for you to join in and pray for this and other ministries of the Church (big C) that happen outside of the church (little c).)

Just the other day I was at Catalyst conference in Atlanta, GA (which was awesome, by the way) and had the privilege of listening to so many great speakers inspire church leaders. I might need to share some of the great stuff I heard there another time, but while I was there I did happen to read the first two sentences on the back of Rob Bell's book Jesus Wants to Save Christians and was immediately struck by these words:

There is a church not too far from us that recently added a $25 million addition to their building. Our local newspaper ran a front-page story not too long ago about a study revealing that one in five people in our city lives in poverty.

How can any Church leader read that and not feel like you've been stabbed in the chest? I read that, and as an employee at a church of about 18,000 people that has utilized its resources for countless multimillion dollar buildings, I had to take a second to question "How DO we balance those numbers?" What are we doing to eradicate poverty in our city? What are we doing to build clean water wells around the world? What are we doing to encourage people to simply sponsor Compassion or World Vision children for $38/month? What about the 143 million children around the world who are orphans? Are we doing anything to change these numbers at all?

It's not about the numbers. Or is it? Because there are individual lives represented in those numbers. On both the giving and receiving end. And typically, both the giver and receiver end up being blessed. I watched at Catalyst as one African man had the opportunity to meet his Compassion Int'l. sponsor who had turned his life around just by sending money and letters to him each month for several years. The young man is now a student at Moody Bible Institute preparing to know the Word so he can go back to Kenya and hopefully do the same thing that was done for him. It is a good reminder that there are real people behind the numbers we often see in lists of statistics.

Just yesterday I was listening to a sermon from Southland Christian Church in Lexington, KY (about which I've written several times...God is doing some cool things through this church), and I was yet again motivated by stories of regular people--even 8 years olds--who made a difference just by doing things like making cookies for international students on the campus of UK at Christmas. Or what about the little boy who saw his classmate with a tattered coat shivering on the playground at school and decided to go around his neighborhood and ask for loose change, then raising $160 to buy a brand new coat for his classmate? Or the man who left a $1000 tip for his waitress at Waffle House that ended up in the hands of a single mom struggling to make ends meet... All of these stories are just people--real people--reaching out to other people outside the doors of the church. And you know what it led to? Those people eventually walked inside the doors of the church.

But it wasn't that they found hope just inside the doors. They were told about this hope at the Waffle House, at the playground, on the campus of UK. They're told about hope in letters sent halfway across the world. They find out about hope in a strip club. Hope can be shared in places you'd never imagine.

There is a world outside of our clean buildings that is in dire need of this hope we claim to have in Christ. People outside the doors of the church are less likely to find out about it unless we go to them. Will you go with me to take it there?

currently...

thinking: It has been way too long since I've written anything on here...and that no one probably reads it anymore!

smelling: Germ-X on my hands...the smell of which reminds me of being in Romania...

eating: leftover chicken & noodles, fresh raspberries

drinking: the tropical citrus Vitamin Water, but disappointed in myself for accidentally buying the 10 calorie kind...I hate the aftertaste of the sweetener in it. :( but the yellow kind is pretty good even still...

leaving: in about 3 hours for the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta, GA with 3 pretty awesome people

listening: to Rascal Flatts. It's been awhile since I've listened to these guys...I thought it was due time.

hoping: I will actually do some good reading on the 6-7 hour road trip to Atlanta...I'm terrible at reading anything these days. I'd also like to sleep...but that probably won't happen. Also, hoping I don't catch the flu that seems to be everywhere...

NOT promising: that I'll write more soon, because I probably won't. This way if I do, you'll be surprised.

mmm...peachy

Well, I've realized that every time I turn on my oven in this apartment, the smoke detectors are going to go off. That doesn't inspire me much to cook or bake at home, but I like baking too much to let that keep me from making things, so I took the batteries out. :) Don't worry, I'll put them back in when the oven is off. Trust me, my dad was a fireman, so I wouldn't leave them out.

Since I'm all about making the pies, I thought I'd share my very simple peach pie recipe. Seriously, if you only knew how easy it was, you wouldn't be impressed. Maybe I should keep it a secret? Just kidding. I'll share.

First of all, the real treasure is this: my grandma Shirlye's pie crust recipe. If you want a good pie, you canNOT use store-bought pie crust. I tried to once, and I couldn't even stand to eat my own pie. I guess that's what I get for being lazy. Here's how you make Grandma's pie crust (makes 2 pie crusts--a top and bottom or two bottoms):
1 3/4 c. flour
1/4 t. salt
3/4 c. to 1 c. shortening
5 T. cold water

Blend the dry ingredients & shortening with a fork or pastry blender. Add the water and mix that in with the pastry blender or fork (or two forks). Chill for at least 30 minutes. (If you want, you can let it chill in the fridge for a day or two until you have time to make the pie. I do this sometimes!)

You can then use that crust for any kind of pie you want, but be sure that when you roll it out you dont use too much flour. It won't stick together well if you do. Also, a tip for putting the pie crust into the pie pan--fold the circle in half and then in half again, and put it in the pan and then unfold into place.

For my peach pie, I sort of combined whatever amount of peaches I had (maybe 2-3 cups, though most recipes say 5 c. of peaches are needed) with about 1 cup of cinnamon/sugar mixture (you can make it as cinnamon-y as you'd like), 1/4 t. nutmeg, a few shakes of salt (no more than 1/4 t. salt), and 1/2 c. flour. I mixed those together in a Ziploc bag and then stirred it in with the peaches.

A few tips: use a fork to poke a few holes in the bottom of the crust before you put any kind of filling in there. Then put the filling in, and cut up into small pieces about 2 T. butter and put that around the top of the filling. When you put the top crust on, fold the top of the crust under the bottom crust, and push it together with your thumb around the edges. Then poke holes in the top (in a fun design if you want!) with a fork, sprinkle water on top, and then sprinkle cinnamon/sugar on top.

Bake that at 425 degrees for 30 minutes. I found another recipe that says after 10 min. to turn it down to 350 and bake longer, so you can just eye it. If your crust gets too brown, use a pie crust shield on the edges to cover them before they burn, or you can just use foil around the edges.

Voila! That's all!
I use this crust recipe and basically the same inside for apple pie as well. Enjoy!

the view from here...

It's absolutely gorgeous outside today, so I'm sitting on my back patio in my lonely pink lawnchair looking at my backyard. Just thought you should see it too. :) Unfortunately, my sister took these pics when the pretty flowers were fresh and new in the baskets, but either the sunshine, the flood, or my lack of green thumb kind of destroyed them. Slowly a few of them are coming back, but I'm not very good at taking care of them. Oops :)

I love that I have a little bit of a garden though. I have fresh basil in there that I have yet to make use of more than once, and yesterday at the farmer's market I bought a stevia plant that I look very forward to using. I'm not sure where it's going to go yet, but I'm excited about it! For those of you who don't know, stevia is a natural sweetener. Apparently you can just put the leaves into your coffee or tea, or you can dry them and crush up the dried leaves. If you've seen Truvia in the stores, that's exactly what it is--dried leaves crumbled up. Except it's white and powdery, and I'm curious to see if that's what it will look like when I dry and crumble mine? Doubt it.

Anyway, that's my backyard. I'll post more pics of the apartment sometime soon. I'm still hanging pictures and rearranging a little bit.

I kinda wish I was Julie Powell...

In the midst of scarfing down buttery, salty popcorn, which is all that is opposite of gourmet cooking, I just watched Julie & Julia with one of my best friends. And I am thoroughly inspired to cook and bake from all those cookbooks still sitting in a box in my apartment yet to be unpacked. I just need to find a place for them...

It's been awhile since I've actually tried a new recipe or even enjoyed cooking. For some time in Lincoln it was really something that I experimented with and truly enjoyed--probably somewhat to occupy my time in a small town with nothing else to do. Now that I'm inspired and living in a city that could occupy plenty of time, I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish any real cooking. Baking, however, I'm sure I'll find time for. First on the list? A pie. Because I've found that the famous Louisville Homemade Pie & Ice Cream Kitchen's peach pie is way too sweet for my liking and much too rich in comparison with my own. I'll stick to baking my own.

It's taking everything in me to not want to try and write like Julie Powell did on her experimental blog that turned out to be a box-office hit movie years later. However, I'm not that talented, driven, or gifted in the kitchen or at writing, so I'll just stick to my once-in-a-while meals and blogs and just try to kick it up a notch. Sound good?

I'd like to make it a goal to cook one new thing a week, but that might even be a little too lofty for me at this point. I might be lucky to make one thing each month with all of these great restaurants beckoning me from less than a mile away. But if anyone has any great recipe ideas, please do share! I'd love to try something new!

so much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say...

I have a whole lot I really want/need to write about, but my couch is calling my name tonight. I took a killer hard hip hop class today that's going to make me sore for days. And I barely even did anything in the class, because it was mostly a bunch of flips, slides, and jumps I'm not quite daring enough to risk. Next time I'm sticking with the beginner/intermediate class for sure.

I've been extremely late on posting a review for Mark Driscoll's new upcoming book, Religion Saves (+ Nine Other Misconceptions). I was supposed to post one on August 4th, but I haven't had much time to read the book, let alone process it and write about it. Finally this weekend I'm catching up a bit and I've read about 5 of the 9 chapters, but tonight I got caught up on the Predestination chapter. I think I actually got kind of tense reading it, mostly because I don't understand Calvinism and I don't agree with it, but I suppose there is room for second thoughts. I'm just not having any anytime soon about it. However, more on the book to come. Once I get a chance to process a little more I'll review. Right now, the predestination part is too fresh on my mind for me to give a fair assessment of the book in its entirety.

On another note I still need to post pictures of my apartment. I promise I'll get around to that. However, if you want to see it that badly, you can just come visit me instead. :)

I'm still loving Louisville. I didn't get swept away by the Flood of 2009 that hit us this past week, but it did take out the basement of the house I live in, and thus our water heater. So, that means I'm stuck with cold showers until the landlord gets it fixed...and the timing of this is yet to be determined.

I'm meeting some people, slowly but surely, but hopefully will soon get to know some more friends I can really live life with, go to dinner with, go see a movie with, etc. Love that I get to see my BFF Amanda on a daily basis. And really looking forward to having visitors soon--Shannon next weekend, Chels the weekend after!

And that's all...I feel like I'm always pushing off writing. I'll get around to it someday. Probably once it's cold outside and I won't want to wander around anymore. :) It could be awhile.

Now? On to my couch and my DVR...

all things new

In the past 2-3 months I've been overwhelmed with new things. Beginning with a new car on Memorial Day, the ball of newness just keeps on rolling. New car. Then a new cell phone, which may seem like a small thing, but when it's something you use every day, it's kind of a big change. Then the big ones...

New job.
New city.
New apartment (with which came many other new things inside of it that were needed: washer, dryer, TV, creative ways to store what my former 2 bedroom apartment held, etc.).

My life seems like an entirely new one these days. Even in a message from a friend in Lincoln, I read the comment "Have fun in your new life!" I was a little caught off guard by it, because it makes me feel so removed from the past. Yet is new life such a bad thing?

I lived in Lincoln for 9 years, if you count my college years, and it was a little too long for me. Don't get me wrong, my time there was filled with incredible experiences that I wouldn't have had elsewhere. But it was time for a change, even as scary as change seemed to be.

This is certainly not the end times, but it is the end of a chapter of my life and the beginning of a new one. The words God spoke in Revelation 21 keep resounding in my mind: "I am making everything new!" My life wasn't a life completely of tears and pain before, and my "new" life in Louisville certainly isn't going to be without them. But I do know that God is making all things new for me, and He isn't just doing so with material possessions like a phone, a TV, or a washer and dryer. It's not even with a new city or apartment or job.

I hope that He is renewing my spirit entirely. With new things come a door that is wide open to possibility. I have no idea what the future holds here in Louisville, but I know that God is opening my eyes and my heart to see and experience hope and joy in possibility itself. Already I have found a peace with where I'm at that I longed for in Lincoln for about 3 years.

Just last night I went to Iroquois Park, in the southern part of the city, where 3 local churches (Southeast Christian, Sojourn Community, and Northside Christian) gathered together some of their young adults for worship and prayer for the city of Louisville. It was such a gorgeous night to begin with, but to spend it in praying for my new community was humbling and wonderful. They had planned the event to bring unity among the churches and to reach out to the community together and to clean up the park today, and the slide on the screen was themed "Re:Create."

Re:Create reminded me that I have the opportunity to recreate a life here. I can let go of the frustrations, hurts, and fears I had before, and I'm now looking forward to a life of joy, hope, and hopefully pouring myself into the people here in Louisville and southern Indiana that don't know Jesus. I'm pretty stoked to find out how God wants to use me here.


In a different light, I have to make note that the music I'm listening to right now is completely aligning with everything I'm writing. It's really quite strange how the words keep trailing along with my thoughts. I just downloaded the album "Before The Throne" by Sojourn. (Sojourn Community Church is a church here in Louisville...one that I love, actually...) Check it out. If you like music like Caedmon's Call, Derek Webb, or Sandra McCracken, or similar styles, you'll love it. They have incredibly talented people there making music.

Also, I have to make note that I'm sitting in a local coffee shop (Heine Bros.) that is less than 2 blocks from my apartment. That it is so close to my home and open late hours and filled with people at all times is, in and of itself, a wonderful thing. I'm loving that I will have this place so close to home. The location of my apartment is even better than I thought before I got here...I cannot overstate how much I love where I live. :)

I heart Louisville.
And that's all for now.

I'm loving this new life.