lately...

I'll be honest. Somehow simultaneously I've got very little to say and yet so much to say. I'm processing a lot these days, but nothing is at the surface. I've logged into blogger several times, started to create a post, and have just sat and stared at a blank screen.

I'm not sure where to begin.

My heart is heavy these days, and it's burdened and weighed down by more things than I can even count or begin to write about.

But tonight I read my blogger friend Kate's words, and I'm reminded of so much more than my own burdens. So instead of me writing, I'll just direct you there so you can read her beautifully crafted words for all they're worth. And to me, tonight, they're worth a lot. So, thanks for sharing, Kate.

Observations

One of my favorite things in the world is to watch people. It seems I write about it here often; whenever I seem to sit in a coffee shop or Panera (my current location) or the like, I end up documenting my interesting observations. Tonight for some reason, my senses are just heightened by the scenes around me and I'm enamored by the beautiful, tangled, delicate world around me.

Here are some of the things I've witnessed tonight:

• "The Catbed Crew" - I'm naming the group of ladies sitting to my right "The Catbed Crew." I still have no idea what kind of organization or business they represented, but these middle-aged women were planning some sort of big event. I overheard them saying they needed to get home to feed the animals. And on the table next to the 6-8 of them, there sat 3 of those fuzzy beds that cats can lay in. No cats, just the catbeds. One leopard print, one tiger print, and one cheetah print. I wanted to ask, but I thought the mystery of it all would be more entertaining.
• I'm also witnessing something that I think is absolutely beautiful: an entire familiy or group of people in conversation with each other, engaged in community with one another...in silence. They're speaking in sign language. They have two small children who don't appear to be deaf (because I can hear them), and I find it beautiful. I love thinking about their lives, wondering how their family functions and operates at home on a dailiy basis. It's a beautiful thing to witness other languages, including sign language.
• To my left, a mother sat eating with her two daughters who were also doing homework and taking turns on the phone speaking to their father. It was almost obvious from the conversations I overheard that the girls' parents were divorced, and this weekend they were going to spend with their dad. Mom seemed hurried, rushed, and a little frustrated. She thought it was time to get going and even said "You're going to see him tomorrow" to quickly end their conversation. I felt sad for the girls, the mom, the dad. I wondered what kind of situation occurred, how the girls' lives were affected, and if the mom was unhappy. Thankfully, I never came from a home of split or divorced parents, and I can't imagine the difficulty and stress it incurs on the parties involved.
• In front of me, a mother sat with her teenage daughter and elementary-school-aged son who was practicing his spelling. They were having a really good time giving him words to spell, and the teenage daughter was making him spell a funny sentence. I loved their laughter, but even more, I loved how it reminded me of my own childhood and how I used to make everyone give me words to spell. FYI: I was quite a spelling champ. I placed 6th in our county in 6th grade. Unfortunately I got out on the word "mandatory" (yes, a word partially based on my own name...I replaced the second 'a' with an 'i'). I distinctly remember sitting in my Grandma Mary & Grandpa Don's little kitchen asking for difficult words to spell. My favorite word to spell was antidisestablishmentarianism. I still like spelling it out. :)
• My other observation has nothing to do with people, but yet everything: the weather. All day today, it was beautiful outside in Lincoln-80 degrees and sunny, and I was in the office all day. (Insert your pity here...) Upon leaving work, I decided to drive to Springfield to drop some clothes off at a consignment shop and get out of Lincoln for the evening. I knew the weatherman was predicting severe thunderstorms for tonight, but I'm fearless and continued on. So what happened? Not twenty minutes down the road, I had to pull off of the interstate due to crazy hail. (I laughed; I always end up driving in a snowstorm, thunderstorm, etc.) About ten minutes later, it passed and was suddenly sunny and I was wearing my sunglasses again.

Whether it be the weather's temperamental nature from sunny to storming or witnessing a family in stressful circumstances next to a family laughing about spelling words, I've observed the world at two extremes in a matter of hours. A family who may have once struggled with the inability to speak and hear audibly overcame with a genuine, warmhearted sense of conversation and community. Even the women planning an event for their animals and cats in beds all brought different personalities and characteristics to the table.

There is such an art in the intricacies of humanity. People's lives are colorful, creating such a beautiful painting that might sometimes appear to be like cans of paint splattered carelessly onto a canvas. This world really is a colorful world. I love that my observations help me see the bigger picture.

Invisible Children

I know that after time, some things or people or ideas can become a bit redundant or superfluous. For example, the song "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga is quickly becoming one of these things. Another example? The swine flu. I'm tired of hearing about it. Maybe redundant or superfluous aren't the right words. Maybe just plain overkill is what I should say.

It's because our society is so accustomed to things being overdone, and we'll avoid overkill at all costs, that we become slightly desensitized to hearing something that's true over and over again. For example, the Gospel. That's more important than what I'm writing this about, but that's not what I'm writing about right now.

You may have already heard about Invisible Children. You've seen them on Oprah in the past, you may have been to a film screening from their first film, or you may have attended a conference at which the organization and purpose was promoted. Child soldiers and abduction may seem like old news to you. I hadn't thought much about it for awhile until I remembered that their worldwide rescue initiative grabbed the attention of Oprah on Friday, and I just got around to watching this clip (highlight from Oprah) about their recent efforts to stop child abduction and child soldiers in Africa:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAENDkB8FSU

I realize Oprah isn't everyone's favorite person, but I really appreciate her. I think she holds a lot of power, but I think she chooses to use it to make the world better by bringing attention to things that need to be given light. Friday morning, she didn't have to give the people from Invisible Children who were standing in the street and sleeping in the streets for 6 days the time of day, but she chose to give them about five minutes of airtime that day--on a show that is planned out and programmed months in advance, I'm sure. That's pretty awesome.

So, in light of our proneness to become desensitized to all things overdone--including Lady Gaga, the Swine Flu, and Oprah--just give Invisible Children a second, third, or fourth look. They're raising worldwide awareness to something that's actually making a difference. And they're bringing it to the attention of our government in June. Be praying for open ears on Capitol Hill.

Go to www.invisiblechildren.com

I'm baaaack!

"I'm baaack!"

Isn't there a little girl saying that in a famous movie? Like Poltergeist? Or was it just that she said "They're heeere..." I'm not sure. Either way, I just thought of her and how my family used to say that I looked like her when I was little. I really did.

Here's her picture:

Now if I had a childhood picture of myself nearby, I'd scan and upload it for you, but I don't. So just take my word for it: I looked exactly like the above photo throughout a large portion of my childhood. Spooky? Maybe.

Anyway, the past month of my life has been quite a whirlwind, but it has mostly been a good one. Hopefully you were able to follow up on my travels to Romania through our group blog: http://www.lccinromania.blogspot.com/ and if not, you'll have to go there to read about it. I had absolutely the best group of students I could have ever asked for. They were incredibly servant-hearted, and it was such a joy to work alongside them for a week. As we were there, and even going into it, we realized that none of what we did might benefit us personally nor would it produce direct or immediate Kingdom results that we could see. The work we did there, however, would somehow have a long-term effect as a small part of the greater Body of Christ. It would assist Rachel in her ministry. Though we couldn't be there long-term to see results, we were able to help plant seeds and cultivate parts of Rachel's ministry. By painting fences and apartments and teaching a few small Bible lessons here and there and playing hand-clapping games with kids in the village, we somehow helped her ministry to advance the Kingdom.

Returning was difficult, but it was exciting knowing that just a few days later I'd find myself laying by a pool or on the beach in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. If you know me, you know that I love warm weather and will do just about anything to lay in the sunshine. Again, I'm not sure how I was born in Illinois...

Family vacation to Florida was great, even if not as relaxing as planned. Evan, my 2-year-old nephew, bless his heart, had a double ear infection and enjoyed two trips to the local pediatrician's office in NSB (which was wonderful, by the way, at taking care of families like ours on vacation). His poor little ears were hurting which led to very little sleep for him as well as the rest of us several nights. Despite that small problem, it was still a great time with the family enjoying "Treats on the Beach" bubble gum ice cream daily (sometimes twice a day...) and fresh seafood (especially yummy crab legs...my favorite these days!). And of course, the sunshine was amazing...and I brought home a nice tan as a souvenir. Don't be jealous.

It's taken me awhile to catch up, but I think I'm finally there. At least now my blog is somewhat caught up, and hopefully someday soon I'll have something other than my travels to write about. For now, I'm off to do some other writing of my own...

back and gone again...

So I didn't have a chance to write since I returned from Romania (3 days ago), and I'm heading out early tomorrow morning for family vacation to Florida. I'm not taking my computer in effort to truly vacate, otherwise I'd promise to recap and write while there.

For things to read about the Romania trip, head over to http://www.lccinromania.blogspot.com

I'll write more when I get back from Florida! :-) I'm looking forward to playing on the beach and by the pool with my almost-6-year-old niece and almost-2-year-old nephew, mom, sis, and bro-in-law. It's definitely my nephew's first time to the beach and only Maddy's second (she was really little the first time, though...) so it should be fun to introduce them to the ocean and sand!

pause

In the midst of about a billion things going on today and me feeling like I'm in Jesse Spano mode, I'm taking a brief pause to write.

In case I haven't updated everyone, I'm leaving tomorrow on my third adventure to Oradea, Romania. I'm taking a group of 10 students + 2 friends+ me (13 of us total) to a place that has somehow become near and dear to my heart over the past 3-4 years. We leave campus in approximately 19 hours and fly out of Chicago in 25.5 hours. About 9 hours later, we'll land in Zurich, Switzerland, and then several hours later fly out toward Budapest, Hungary, ride in a van for 3 hours and arrive at our final destination: Caminul Felix in Oradea, Romania.

While the place where we stay, Caminul Felix, is a ministry organization itself, we'll be working primarily with Rachel Ross--a friend and alum of Lincoln Christian College as well. Rachel followed the burden God put on her heart for abandoned children in Romania and went there years ago to work with abandoned babies in the hospitals. Since then, she began building relationships and sharing Jesus with gypsy families in the village of Tinca. Out of that grew a ministry she began called Forget Me Not Ministries, and God has been working by providing support and opportunities for this ministry to grow. You can read more about what she's doing at http://www.fmnministries.org/.

Why Romania? Why gypsies?

* Romania has a population of 22,303,052 in an area that is roughly the size of Oregon
* The average income = $100/month
* Poverty is widespread, and umemployment has risen while living standards have fallen.
* There are 5,000 children abandoned every year.
* 31.8% of the babies left at hospitals have no identity papers, so are considered "invisible."
* There are currently 29,000 children currently in institutions.
* 15% of Romania's population is Roma (Gypsies), who are greatly discriminated against.
* 80% of the abandoned children in institutions and hospitals are Roma (Gypsies).
* 1.4 to 2.5 million of the population consists of Roma (Gypsies).

These statistics are just one thing, but when you come face-to-face with the reality that these people (gypsies) are not even considered human by the rest of culture, the statistics come to life. And when you meet some of the children who have beautiful smiles on their faces, despite the fact that they were locked in a cellar or left under a bridge or were not held for the first year of their lives, the statistics don't even mean much anymore. Each little smile and each precious life becomes more important than any number.

The kids have stolen little pieces of my heart every time I have been (this will be my third trip), and I'm sure I'll return in 10 days with a little more of it there.

But somehow, each time a little piece of my heart is stolen by them, my heart becomes more whole.

These words of Bethany Dillon's song "Beggar's Heart" have been resounding in my heart:

Hands reaching through barred windows

Falling asleep on the sidewalk

You say You draw near to the low

Now I'm here, I know I'm not low enough

Because all the things I know

Suddenly seem so small

When You build, it feels like You tear me apart

When you heal, it always leaves a scar

And even when You fill, You leave me with a beggar's heart

I pray that each of us will return with a beggar's heart. I'm excited to see what God is going to do in the next 2 weeks. Please feel free to follow our blog at http://www.lccinromania.blogspot.com/. Each of us will hopefully be posting on there throughout the trip.

Thanks for your prayers!

decision made.

So, I've made my decision. (As though the world has been waiting and watching to see what I'm going to do...)

I'm gonna stick with blogger. I feel as though switching to Wordpress would be a fun change, but I'd rather simplify my life and stick with blogger. I realized I could customize my header photo on here, so I might as well stay here.

Thanks Christine for your one vote. :) I considered it...hehe.

For now, here I am.

And I created a blog for my Romania group to journal on throughout our trip in 9 days, so I'll introduce you to that in the near future...stay tuned.

quick update

#1: First things first, I'm writing in orange for my BFF Bruce Weber and the Illini. Let's hope they can pull off a win tonight... (By the way, did I mention I flew with Brucey a few weeks ago when I went to Florida with my mom and friends Lindsey and Chelsea? Yep. Hung out w/ him in the airport. OK, sat by him as we waited to board. OK, just sat right behind where he was and snuck cell phone pics of him and let him have his space...there you have it. But we flew w/ him from Bloomington to Atlanta.)

#2: I'm a sucker for March Madness. I don't pay any attention to basketball the rest of the year (except for Illinois) because there's too many teams to follow and keep up with. But March Madness? I'm all in.

#3: I'm strongly considering moving my blog to Wordpress. You can check out http://www.mandarin21.wordpress.com/ and see what you think. I just think it's better, and I like being able to create my own header. I'm bored with blogger. Any opinions?

#4: The other day I saw Abe Lincoln. On a bicycle. Looking at something in the dumpster behind my apartment. For real. He looked just like Abe. I said hi, but I didn't know if he was a nice Abe or not, so I sorta hurried up the stairs. It made my day though.

#5: I've been thinking about customer service lately, because I've had some really rude people make my burritos or take my clothes at the consignment shop or check me out at stores. I take that back. Not all were rude, but some were just plain ignorant of the fact that I was the customer and they were the worker. I hope I never treat people like that. I'm glad I'm aware. I suppose partially because it's a huge part of my job, and partially because I was educated in Business well enough to know that it's vital. And it's just common sense, isn't it?

#6: I really need to start writing more. I have all of these things in my head that need to get out, so this is an attempt to get my fingers writing again. I promise, more substance in the future... For now, you get my crazy thoughts.

#7: I'm hungry, so I'm done. Just letting the 3 of you who read this know that I'm still alive, and saving you from having to read my thoughts on The Bachelor at the top of the page yet again.

The Bachelor, revisited...

Let's just get this out of the way.

Guys like Jason Mesnik are the very reason that girls like me are afraid to trust. We're afraid to be vulnerable.

Oh, love.

The Bachelor is probably going to be the source of a great deal of ridicule for quite some time. What happened this week was completely unexpected, though I knew something crazy was going to happen. I hate how TV producers have to do things just for ratings.

Here's what's happening in case you haven't watched. (Though if you haven't watched, you probably don't care to continue reading. And if you missed tonight's episode but DVR'ed it...stop reading now.) Jason picked a girl named Melissa. He told the other girl, Mollie, that he thought she was amazing...fantastic and amazing...but he loved someone else more than he had "fallen" for her. So Jason proposed to Melissa. And they lived happily ever after.

...or not...

On tonight's After the Rose Ceremony episode, Jason came on and announced that in the past 6 weeks since the proposal, their relationship had not been working and they were not right for each other. He admitted to still having feelings for Mollie and that he couldn't get her out of his heart or head.

As I watched, the words coming out of his mouth didn't even make sense. He said he hates himself for what he's doing, yet he's doing it anyway. I really think these conversations should have been held off the air without cameras for the world to see. Heartbreak is hard enough, and this was like a therapy session with the world as their therapist.

Jason wasn't willing to fight for his relationship with Melissa. And while not all relationships are worth fighting for, I think he just gave up. He was in love with Mollie at the same time, but how could he not be with the foundation of their relationships? I think the show, in and of itself, is setting all of these relationships up for failure by making it a competition.

When you allow someone (i.e. Jason) to love two people at the same time and then suddenly, for competition purposes, break the ties with one person, you're bound to still have feelings for said person. Feelings aren't cut off or severed as quickly as roses are or are not handed out in a ceremony. So when you allow multiple relationships to escalate to the level they did, you're bound to begin one relationship with feelings still in existence for someone else.

How is it, then, that I get sucked into this false reality of The Bachelor every time? I do not know.

Alas, I am certain that I'll never expect love to happen the way it does on one of these shows, and I'll never submit myself to be the next Bachelorette. I'm indecisive enough as it is!

Valentine's Day, He's Just Not That Into You, The Bachelor, and Thoughts on Love...

I'm a sucker for love stories. I love romantic comedies like the next girl, and I get caught up in shows like The Bachelor even though I try (sort of...) not to every season. And probably like most viewers, I overanalyze every relationship "the bach" has. From my observations I can clearly tell who is the best match and who is real and who is superficial...surely I am omnipotent when it comes to The Bachelor's life, right? Probably not. (especially because I didn't see tonight coming, but that's another story...)

But there is something that has always bothered me about the way love is pitched in the movies and on television: the phrase "falling in love."

Does one really fall into love? You fall into holes, you fall on a banana peel, or you fall down the stairs. Those things are accidental. I don't know anyone who goes throwing themselves down a flight of stairs or off a cliff on purpose (except for maybe the guy on Jackass). I don't think that love is accidental, and I'm fairly sure that most people in love would agree that it didn't happen by accident. Most would probably agree with me that love is, in fact, a choice you make (or choose not to make).

As one who has never actually been in love, maybe I shouldn't write from my inexperience. But I've observed, I've listened, and I've witnessed countless relationships from beginning to end, and from beginning to growth...and those that continue to grow only grow because two parties choose love. The relationships that end typically end because two parties choose to end it.

What saddens me most is that there are so many girls out there who buy into this "falling in love" idea and end up hurt. There is such a misunderstanding of what love really is. And I can honestly tell you that I can in no way understand it fully until I share it with someone else. I realize that. But tonight when Jason Mesnick, the Bachelor, claimed as he broke up with Jillian that he "had fallen for her but was not in love with her," I realized what lies we've told ourselves. Can you say that you've fallen for someone but you're not in love with them? I'm confused... But I would imagine that anything you "fall" into, you might "fall" right back out of in just as much time.

On a related note, in the way that we all buy into this "falling" idea, we also fall prey to the "signs" and "sparks" we think may exist. The movie He's Just Not That Into You addresses this well for those of us girls (we all do this, or have done it, or will do it) who read into every little word, action, touch, text, email, facial expression, hand gesture, etc. that guys express. Did he say "It was nice meeting you" at the end of the date or just the beginning? Did he say "I'll call you later" or "I'll call you next week"? Did he just touch my hand? He hugged me...what does that mean? His friend told me "I've heard great things about you." He must like me...

I'll be transparent in saying that I have read into things one too many times. (how can you not?) When watching HJNTIY I had to laugh at a few parts (to which my single friends also admitted) that reminded me of things I've done or read into in the past. I've been on the side of "he's just not that into me..."

But I've also been on the side of "I'm just not that into you..." and I know I've handled it all wrong. I avoid the truth and any confrontation that might hurt someone's feelings, so often when I am not into someone, I've come up with other excuses. (if somehow you're one of those people now reading this...i'm sorry...i'll just be honest now: i was, or am not, that into you...) Though it may be harsh, isn't honesty always the best policy? It's going to hurt either way...so why not rip off the Band-Aid instead of making the pain and foolishness last longer? Right?

However we are dealt the truth or a lie is bound to play a role in any future relationship. It may build up a lack of trust that could take years to rebuild. We build up walls that take years to tear down. Vulnerability feels like moving a mountain that sometimes crashes right back down on top of you once you've moved it.

But I imagine, and I trust, and I hope that love will change all of these things. As hard as it is to get to that point, I have seen that it is worth getting through past hurts and the vulnerability of making mistakes and the lesson of forgiveness and the difficulty of tearing down walls. And I hope it is worth it. I believe it will be, even though not all love stories have happy endings.

I imagine that love, in the process of building it, is healing. I imagine that love, in the daily choice that it is, is difficult. I imagine that love, in the unfolding of all of its deep dark corners, uncovers beautiful things.

I look forward to love. Real love. Chosen love.

:)

So I just found out today that the Jonas Brothers have a song called "Mandy" (and it just so happened to be their first released single).

That kinda made my day.

miscellaneous

Here's a smattering of things:

1. I'm considering switching over to Wordpress. I'm not 100% sure. But I might. Any suggestions? Opinions?


2. I'm in Springfield (IL) right now and it just so happens to be the night of Obama's speech in honor of Lincoln's birthday. Whoops. So of course major roads get blocked off, but I ended up pulling into the parking lot of the mall just in time to sit amongst many other cars waiting for the presidential fleet...and I saw it! Kinda cool. Maybe the only time in my life I can say I saw the president drive by. Then again, who knows?
   
3. I am really hooked on this lately:...particularly the Blood Orange flavor. I've been going to every natural foods store nearby to try and find it. It's amazing. Next flavor I'm going to try: Blackberry Cabernet. mmm...sounds yummy.


4. I'm excited that one of my best friends is pregnant, and I just found out that another one is!!! YAY!!! (I'm not telling you who it is yet...just in case.)


5. Related to #4: Gosh, I'm getting old. When certain friends are on kid #2, and I'm still just trying to find a date to various weddings, I have a feeling their kids are going to be babysitting mine someday...


6. Related to #5: I really dislike Valentine's Day, and before you go judging me, it's NOT just because I'm single. Even if I were dating or married, I would still much rather be surprised by flowers, a card, dinner, or whatever else on a random day of the year when not everyone else in the world is getting the same thing. I'd be fine w/ just a silly Barbie valentine like back in the day...or maybe a Jonas Bros. valentine ;)


7. I'm going to Florida again in one week. In fact, I'll be there in one week. And then again in April. Don't hate me.

the Grammys

Did anyone besides me watch the Grammy’s last night? This may be a bold statement, but I think last night was possibly the BEST night of Grammy performances I’ve ever seen.

For starters, the collaborations were INCREDIBLE!!!

• Justin Timberlake & Al Green? Come on, can it get any better? and then JT again with T.I. - any double dose of JT performances I can get, I'll take...
• Miley Cyrus & Taylor Sparks were absolutely adorable...and they sounded incredible together!
• And I realize for being 26 years old, I may have an unhealthy fascination with the Jonas Brothers, but their performance with Stevie Wonder was completely unexpected and great!
• Sugarland and Adele were amazing as well...what a surprising combo!
• Kanye West & Estelle...so good.
• the tribute to Bo Diddly (not gonna lie, I really don't know who that is but I should) with John Mayer, BB King, Buddy Guy, and Keith Urban. WOW. Fascinating combination.
• Lil' Wayne & Robin Thicke - Robin's soul is so unexpected coming from his voice. You'd think he'd be black.
• OK, not a collaboration, but Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" made me so happy. I just love that song.
• the tribute to the Four Tops with Smokey Robinson, "Duke" Fakir, Ne-Yo, and Jamie Foxx - loved the old songs...loved it.
• Radiohead performance with the USC marching band? WOW. I flipped back to the show (while also watching Brothers & Sisters) and only caught the 2nd half of this one, but AMAZING! Loved the drumline.
• Not sure how to comment on the "Swagger Like Us" combo with very preggo M.I.A. and Kanye, T.I., Lil Wayne, and Jay-Z, other than to say that little mama can hold her own w/ those guys. Though I do think she was slightly dressed like a preggers ladybug...
• Coldplay with Jay-Z in the beginning of "Lost" was awesome. But you all knew that was coming...of course they were awesome.
• Do I really even need to comment on U2 and Paul McCartney? I'm pretty sure Paul got plenty of recognition throughout the night...

I just can’t get over how music can get me so excited! Yet everyone I texted about the great performances had something else going on last night, so was anyone else watching? There is something about a great musical performance that gets me excited about creative artistry. There is some incredible talent out there in this world.

And then, of course, celebrities with absolutely no talent do exist, but that’s another story...

It’s overwhelming sometimes just how talented so many people are. In fact, that’s a large part of why the music and entertainment industry overall is so cutthroat-competitive. As many artists out there that are known, there are probably twice as many great talents who have yet to be discovered or who are just on their way to climbing the ladder of success.

Music is so powerful. For some a song is just a song...instruments combined together, sometimes with lyrics, maybe even some vocal harmonies tossed in. But to those of us with an artist’s heart, music carries the weight of emotion, power, passion, and story. Even in rap and hip-hop music, though some would argue it to be pointless, there is a great deal of power.

Most of the time, it’s the lyrics that get me. But there’s something about great instrumentalists jamming together as well. I love seeing the heart of the artist playing or singing coming out in their music.

I’ve always loved music. Ever since I was little, I’ve always been known to sing along to whatever is on the radio, on a commercial, on the soundtrack of a TV show or movie, or in the background at a restaurant or store. Wherever I may be, I’m always listening for the music. I guess it’s just a part of me. I'm still a human jukebox or my own walking version of the Shazam application people have on their phones. Because no matter where I am--speaking both literally or metaphorically--I’m always looking for the music.

So thanks Grammy’s...I’m sure glad you decided to make this year a great one. You revived my heart for music, and I hope you’ll help music to revive our generation for things that are good.

And for a pretty good list of the "best" and "worst" comments of last night, check out MSN's compilation.

Did anyone else see them? What did you think???

"winter me"

It's winter, and I'm officially lazy.

Most nights I come home from work, put together some thrown-together meal (usually consisting of a salad, sandwich, or vegetable of choice & pan-seared salmon). I then proceed to my wonderful couch (on which I could pretty much live all day, minus going to the bathroom and getting up to get something to eat), to watch TV or reach the ends of the internet via facebook, various blogs, or editing photos for fun.

That's usually about it. Sometimes throw in many consecutively addicting games of spider solitaire, and I'd call it a night.

I know I've been lazy. It's easy to do in the winter. I don't work out, because I only like running outside when it's nice and warm, and I don't like going to the gym on campus because it's too busy most of the time. I have been lazy about reading my Bible and reading books in general. I just don't make the time. I haven't been writing, which is usually how I process my "deep thoughts" or things I've been reading.

(Sidenote: I have been fairly creative in painting and creating some other things, however...pics to come in future posts...)

But I need to start practicing discipline again. I'm not exactly sure how yet, but I need to put it into practice. Tonight I actually went to the gym to work out for the first time in months (thanks to Lindsey's encouragement!) and then sat down and ate my meal in silence...no music, no TV, no internet in front of me. And then I just read my Bible and a chapter from our SFG book, and it felt good. It felt like the normal me. Not the lazy me. And though the normal me likes to be lazy sometimes, I can't let that part take over.

But I don't like routine, and I don't like rigid schedules. I like to be flexible and play things by ear. How does one practice discipline and do this? And how does one practice this without inflicting self-guilt? Any words of advice?

It's always an endless cycle for me of going in and out of phases of discipline and laziness. I'm hoping to stay on the disciplined track for awhile...

teaser trip

You probably know by now that I absolutely despise the cold. And I really love warm weather and beaches. And sunsets on beaches. And a good fruity drink while eating outside wearing flip-flops, a swimsuit, and a cover-up. With good friends.

I got to do this last weekend in Ft. Myers, but not for very long. It was kind of a teaser vacation, because most of my week being gone seemed to be spent in transit from one place to another. As noted below, I flew to NYC for a night, then to Ft. Myers for 3 nights (keep in mind, this only meant 2 days at the beach...which is not enough for me), and then to Boston for 2 nights, and then back home. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the few days in sunny Florida and a short escape from icy Illinois. I just wish it were longer!

Here's a few pics from the trip:

jetsetting

I realize I've neglected to write anything of substance for quite some time now...so I'm hoping to use my upcoming week of travel/vacation to actually "vacate" my mind and sit and write a bit. We'll see what happens. I have high hopes for reading and writing when I travel, but I always end up people-watching instead. Or playing spider solitaire. Pray that I get motivated to read or write!

This weekend is my post-NYE trip with the BCG's (well, part of them...just me, Faith, and Becka)...which was originally planned to be in the Caribbean, but it has now become a weekend in Florida. I'm just happy to see a beach for 2 days...better than snow and negative temperatures!

So tomorrow I fly out to NYC, where Becka currently lives, to meet up with her. I'll basically be in the city for about 12 hours...just enough time for me to hang out at a coffee shop (OR maybe grab some Pinkberry if I'm lucky..., maybe catch up with Whitney Port? Just kidding...) until she's able to meet me, and then we'll get some sleep before catching our 8 a.m. flight to Ft. Myers, FL. Faith currently lives in Boston, so she'll meet us at JFK. She's moving back to NYC in about 3 weeks, and we're using up her last few buddy passes through JetBlue to enjoy our little excursion! So thankful for that!

After spending the weekend in Ft. Myers, Becka will head back home to NYC and I'm going back to Boston for a few days with Faith. I've never been to "Bahston" before, so I'm excited to explore a new city!


Here's to hoping I come back with a little bit of a tan...just 2 days worth...

inauguration comments, pt. 2

I think it's so interesting that CNN has now embraced the "power" of the facebook status. It's blowing my mind how the world is using facebook status to communicate about the inauguration, and really, about anything.

More to come on this, but if you're interested in laughing as much as on election night, tune in to www.cnn.com and watch the ongoing live stream that shows a parallel facebook stream of statuses.

inauguration comments

If you remember, I posted a list after the election results of all of the ridiculous facebook statuses that I saw. I considered doing it again, but I think MSN.com captured it well enough by allowing America to share their thoughts in a 20-word-or-less thought on their homepage.

I've been watching it for 5 minutes and I'm already entertained and intrigued.

Been a Long Day

I really like this song, and while posting the lyrics to a song is kind of a cop-out post, I really don't have much to say...except that Rosi Golan's voice is beautiful, and so is this song. You can listen to it here.

Been A Long Day

Its been a long day and all I’ve got to say is make it strong

Its been a long a day and all I’ve got to say is I’ve been wrong

So take a leave of absence,

tell me you’ll be gone,

I don’t want to see your face.

Its been a long day and I just wanna hide away

Its been a long week and all the lines come down heavy on me

Its been a long week I’m finally feeling like its ok to break

Into a thousand pieces,

no one can replace,

only I can find my way.

It’s been a long day and I just wanna hide away
It’s been a long year and everyone around me disappeared

It’s been a long year and all this mess around me is finally clear

So can I have a moment?

Just to say hello.

Can you let your anger go?

It’s been a long year and I’m finally ready to be here.

Thanks to One Tree Hill for always having awesome music...

And in case you're a fan of the show's music like me, you can find music from any episode here.

if you need a "laugh"

You should go to this "website"