Today is one of those days when I've felt bogged down in my own sin. I'm wallowing around in this pool of myself, and I keep spitting out more of this substance I'm already drowning in called pride. And as soon as I open my mouth to speak once more, I hear these prideful things come out of my mouth and even more, my heart.
But I'm thankful that I'm aware.
There are days when I don't think about it, don't realize it, and I just keep going about my life that's centered around me, until I find myself drowning in moments like this. There was one moment today when someone made a small comment to me that made me evaluate my heart and ask "Why on earth did you say that?" or "Why did you do that?"
I forget. Childishly, I just spout out words and wish I could vacuum them back up. It's messy being prideful.
Our vision becomes so cloudy in this state of mind and heart. A couple weeks ago in planning a girls' retreat I did some studies on purity and having an undivided heart, and my giant Bible Dictionary told me this: "The reward of the undivided heart is the vision of God." It also said this: "no vision of God can come to the heart that is unclean because it is out of harmony with the nature and character of God." Needless to say, I could be seeing a little more of God these days, but I've been wearing these shades of pride and arrogance that are hindering my view of Him.
Oddly, earlier this week I read this verse: "In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." -Psalm 10:4. I read it on Sunday night, and clearly I forgot about it. Until today.
Today I recognized my pride again, and I found Psalm 10:4 again while trying to combat it. My cheesy side also recognized that the scripture is chapter 10, verse 4, and I immediately thought about walkie-talkies and the good ol' standby police code "10-4." That's instantly what I thought of when I recognized the verse. I felt like it was God's voice coming through saying: "Hey! Make room for me! Stop thinking about yourself. Stop thinking you're better than anyone else. Think about me instead!" Call it crazy, cheesy, or creative...take your pick.
The police term 10-4 means that a message has been acknowledged, received, or affirmed. Today, this was the message I needed to hear, loud and clear, coming through. Thankfully, I got the message. I'll do what I can to pray away my pride, to tear down those walls, and to clear out my view of Him so that it's no longer cloudy. So, God, thanks for the message of Your word today and for the vision of You. 10-4 good buddy...
10-4.