Thursday, September 30, 2004

Fall is here!

I hate this in-between weather when I don't know whether I can still wear skirts, capris, flip-flops, and sandals or not. But you know what? I'm going to anyways! As long as I can w/out freezing my bottom off!

Life is so busy! My weeks are flying by! There's something every single night it seems fairs, working late, Fuel house church, Missionary Convention, people coming over, concerts, etc. It's a good busy at least! I got a new car last Saturday! It's a 2003 Ford Focus and it's Sangria Red. I like it a lot.

Last night was a wonderful night...why? Matt Allman, Adam Brucker, & Tony Collins came over to make Chelsea, Tammy, and I dinner and it was so much fun! We had a little 6-person romantic candlelit dinner in our living room on a blanket...hilarious b/c none of us are dating, it was just fun! We talked about Christmas time coming soon and I'm excited for the season to begin! Can't wait to break out my old school Amy Grant, Steven Curtis Chapman, Michael W. Smith, & Avalon Christmas CD's. Those are classic to me. Cheesy or not, they = Christmas music to me. Ahhh....the sweet sounds of the season. I don't look fwd. to the cold but I look forward to the sounds & smells!

Thursday, September 23, 2004

The difference between turning 21 and turning 22: you have to be an adult and actually work like a normal adult. I learned that Tuesday! Oh well.

Life update: learning lots about myself in lots of ways and thinking about that...not in a selfish way but learning about my personality, my DiSC profile, etc. in class is so beneficial! Such a crucial part of shaping my heart!

Looking forward to: Matt Wertz & Dave Barnes...tomorrow night!!!! 8:00!

Looking to buy: a new car...very soon. The old one is only worth twice what it would cost to fix it so i'm speeding up the process.

Excited about: Cory & David moving to Bloomington!

Listening to: Dave Barnes...gotta be prepared for tmw night!

Thinking about: how I shouldn't have stayed out till 2 a.m. w/ Chels, Darcie, Adam, and Greg last night. Way too late for an old lady like me.

Overwhelmed: Lots of visits to schedule & busy work days!!!

Fun at work: last night's college fair @ Parkland! Good times! Met a cute A.C. from Olivet! He was super nice and loves my boys Matt Wertz and Shane & Shane too!

Now: finished w/ this blog. longer than what i thought.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Not myself...

Yesterday I had one of those days where you just don't feel like yourself. I wasn't responding like myself. I didn't feel like I knew quite how to feel. I was tired, but not really. Awake and alive, but not really. I don't know why! I wonder what makes me feel that way! Maybe it was just one of those days... They're kind of nice to have once in awhile...kind of makes me more introspective, reflective, or dependent on God. Sometimes it teaches me to seek only reassurance from God and not people. I think those days are good once in awhile, but boy are they weird!

Today I think I'm back to least I feel like it! It's Friday and finally I feel somewhat rested...good thing, in case I want to have a big shindig of a Friday night! I don't know what the plan is, however. We'll see...One more wedding to attend tomorrow...counting down the people who are engaged and yet to be married, and still counting down the days till I myself am one of them...counting down from what number? Eternity. Don't get me wrong here...I'm not in a big hurry at all, that's for sure! But I definitely look forward to it! I won't pretend that I absolutely love being single...there are days when I do...but then there are days when I'm impatient. For now I'll enjoy getting creative ideas from other people's weddings.

How about this beautiful weather? Nice? I think so. Warm, perfect days...Cool, breezy, chili, football game, and bonfire-kind-of-nights. I like it.

One week from tonight? Dave Barnes & Matt Wertz...Illinois Wesleyan University...8:00 p.m...Doors open @ 7. Be there.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

October 12, 2004 is coming...

What a great day it will be! It's the release date for Shane & Shane's new album, "Clean." Go to and you can listen to 3 of the songs from the new album while their new website is being built.

Also if you're interested in promoting them more and getting some free stuff, click on the thing that says "Help promote S&S" and you can fill out some info to get posters and fun stuff as well as 2 free concert tickets to one of the listed tour dates. Can you tell I'm on the street team? Oh yes. I am. And for my boys Matty Wertz & D. Barnes. 9/24 (concert @ IWU) is coming soon!

Monday, September 13, 2004

On my face: a smile and tired eyes.

In my mind and on my heart: lots of thoughts on leadership, spiritual gifts, etc., & excitement about house churches w/ Fuel--starts tomorrow!!!

On my head: too much curly hair that is annoying me today

On my desk, ready to be read: "Renovation of the Heart" by Dallas Willard

In my ears: Starfield...good stuff...I'll share!

Can I Stay Here Forever? by Starfield...

Through forgotten convictions
Misplaced affections
I'm losing the sound of Your voice
I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
I swear I’ve been down this road before
I want to get back to where it all began
When I would long for only You
Like a child I'll take You at Your word
As these mountains of doubt,
they fade away
I'm longing to trust and love You more
So for me this is beautiful
A brand new thought, and a brand new world
Can I stay here forever here with You?
I've lost sight of what first drew me
To the love that pursued me
The joy that inspired my song
The friendship that was all I knew
The arms that I would fall into
Seem miles and years from where I am today
I got to get back to where it all began
When I would wait for only You
Can I stay here foreverHere with you?
Surrounded by Your mercy
Clothed in Your truth
Always, I'll stay
Always here with You
Can I be here foreverHere with You?
Can I know what it's like
To deeply love You?
Always, Lord, let me stay
Always, here with You

Friday, September 10, 2004

After Focus at LCC on Wednesday night and a lot of thinking later on that night, I had a ton of ideas running through my head. I ran with one of them, and this is what my journal reads from that night:

"...JK spoke about the idea behind the Good Samaritan and left us with this thought--'God uses the helpless to help others. Blessed are those on the campus of LCC who are more helpless than they know...Welcome to ministry.'

The helpless are usually left to remain where they are. Like lepers. Untouchable. Not good enough for society. Unclean. Unwanted. Impure. Unhealed. Full of disease, pain, and loneliness. Why do we continue to leave them where they are? They're the ones who end up teaching us the most in the long run! Actually, haven't we once been helpless ourselves? Helplessness is where faithfulness begins and grows. It's where one realizes there is nowhere else to turn.

I feel helpless sometimes as a single 21 (almost 22)-year-old female, like I did last week when my car broke down. I felt like I could do nothing on my own. I depended on people to help me make decisions, tell me where to go, and give me rides. Sometimes that's all you need when you're helpless--a way to get from here to there. But when you're helpless and on that journey from here to there, you somehow have the opportunity to affect more people than yourself.

Think about it. If you're the opposite of helpless, you've pretty much got it all together right? When you've got it all together you'll never need to interact w/ or rely on a single other person. You can handle everything on your own. How can that be useful in ministry? It can't! Reliance on people and interaction is where ministry happens. So, you see, it's important to become like the helpless.

It seems as though w/out the helpless we'd have much fewer stories to read about Jesus in the gospels. Almost everyone he interacted w/ was helpless and look how much we learn from their lives and stories! It gives us a guide for our own--from both Jesus and the helpless. Jesus took risks. He lived dangerously and took chances on people whom no one else would. He didn't keep to himself b/c he had everything under control, although he could have if he wanted to. Instead he helped the helpless. That's ministry. That's our call.

Take a chance on someone. Someone who might be a loner. Annoying. Frustrating. Too prideful. Too sinful or dirty. Too greedy. Flirty. Too lustful. Too quiet. Too ugly.

Take a risk. Take a chance on the helpless...because either you are one yourself or you were at one time! Maybe you'll find that you're the one who really needed the help more!"

That's the end of my journal entry from Wed. Please note that this was meant to be self-directed and not at you or anyone else. But take encouragement and a challenge from it and see what happens!

Friday, September 03, 2004


So, here's my story:

Yesterday I left work to head home before going to Bloomington to get my hair highlighted and cut. I'm not sure why I was stopping at my apartment first, because it wasn't really necessary, but for some odd reason I still went that way. I realized when I was about 3 blocks away from my apartment that I think God had some part in this crazy little thing. This was after I stopped at a stop sign, and as I proceeded through the intersection I found that my car was no longer running. Instead, it was rolling through the intersection. Hm...great...I'm just glad I was not in bloomington or on my way there! So, I called Kate and she showed up within a couple minutes, and some other people were able to help push it into a parking spot. I'm still not sure what's wrong with it, but it's dead. I've been waiting all day for the people at Graue to call back and let me know, so I decided to call them. After waiting on hold and listening to some cheesy car dealership commercials that were full of crap, someone got on and told me "um, yeah they still don't know what's wrong with it yet." Wow, thanks for the help! So, needless to say, I'm a little impatient and frustrated at the moment. I'm also currently looking for a new car, and the process has just been sped up so I guess it's an okay thing that this has happened. I just have to find a car FAST! So if you or anyone you know has a nice, newer car they'd like to sell me for $0-$10,000 that would be great!

I've been somewhat worrying about that as well as worrying about my sister, but I know that worrying will not get me anywhere. I'm just thankful that I have a God who is bigger than all of this and He's in control, because I sure couldn't handle it on my own! I'm glad I don't have to!

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Picking up...
This whirlwind of days
a calendar endless
tasks and responsibilities
some earthly
some eternal
some not even tasks
Not really all that bad...
I actually love busy.

Still, in my mind...
A sea of people
With needs
With hopes
or Found
but still searching
Still needing
Still reaching for more of You
I forget to pray,
Forget to call on you
Or even say hello

Teach me to love more
to feel more
to pray more
to GO more
to think less
to plan less
to fear less
Teach me to trust...