It's like I always hold something back, but not always knowingly. I'm not sure what it is, but I just want my heart to flow freely from my fingertips and from my mouth. It's much easier to find it in my fingertips than from my mouth, but I suppose it will eventually make its way out there. Either way, it's still coming from me.
I think this is a part of my gradual learning about being free. This week as I read to my house church from my journal the previous night, I told them that God has been teaching me about freedom lately. It's like this message that just keeps unraveling further and further. The "theme" this week at Fuel was actually "Conviction in a Tolerant World" but there was much there to be learned about freedom instead. As a part of the 'unraveling' process this week, I realized how little conviction has to do with guilt, shame, sin, judgment, and all other negative connotations that go with it. In reality, conviction is a message of truth and freedom. It's about our faith in general, and about having a conviction for the person of Jesus Christ. Conviction is something that takes place in the heart prior to any future sin; this is contrary to most Christians' belief that conviction is what takes place after you've done something "wrong" and you feel guilty for it. Conviction drives us toward repentance before we even need it. It drives us to the uttermost humility that Jesus was and is.
So where does the freedom message come in? It's just that! I'm not guilty of anything anymore, because Jesus humbly took that on for me! Normally that should drive me to humiliation and embarassment because I'd be completely ashamed of myself for departing my burdens and sins onto someone else, but because Jesus lives for that very purpose, I'm free instead! What an incredible trade!
Don't you love when I flesh out my thoughts onto my blog? I think it's necessary for me to figure out who I am in the long run.
My question is this: Why can I write about all of these things and still it would take all of Home Depot to hammer and nail it to my heart and build it into my life? What in the world am I missing?