Week 2: The Bachelorette (recap)

Alright folks, here's my episode 2 recap. You can look forward to this every Tuesday from now until the end... I know you're leaping with joy right now...I can see it!

And yes, this will take place in the form of sarcastic memos:

To ABC~ I've got you figured out...

To Ben~ You're adorable. I sent ABC the previous memo because I know why they aren't giving you much air time...obviously you're going to make it to the end, or at least close to the end! And if Jen doesn't love you in the end, America will. ABC will ask you to be the next Bachelor, and I will send in my application to be on the show. :-) Trust me. I know.

To Josh & Fabrice~ I have no idea how either of you made it to the next episode.
Josh~ don't ever answer the door again without wearing a shirt. That's just plain stupid. You gross me out, and it's unfortunate that the first thing you announced to America about yourself is that you're a virgin. I'm with you and all, but that's usually not the first thing I tell people buddy.
Fabrice~ you poor thing! Maybe you should just go back to France...

To Michael (a.k.a. "Shrek")~ Even though Kate and I think you somewhat resemble Shrek, you were still a nice man. You deserve to be there more than Josh & Fabrice. Sorry to see you go.

To John Paul~ For some reason you give me the creeps. I don't know why! Maybe it's the half-smile mouth thing....???

To Stu~ Glad you're gone, crazy stalker guy! You were in love w/ Jen before you even met her! That's crazy!

To Wendell~ I'm starting to like you now. You were cute last night and you make Jen feel really comfortable. I think you, Ryan Sh., and Ben should be the final 3.

To Ryan Sh.~ You're so cute! I really like you a lot too!

To Jerry & Keith~ I don't know how I feel about you guys yet...but you deserve to stay awhile.

To Jen~ Girl, this is a tough job, and I don't know how you do it! But, I think I'd be doing the same thing in your shoes...except for keeping Josh & Fabrice. And I think I have the red dress you wore last night for the rose ceremony...