Thursday, October 07, 2010

the tension

So, I've had that lump in my throat all day at Catalyst...the kind that could easily turn into weeping if I were alone, and the kind that only remains a lump through which no words can escape and only a few tears make their way out of my eyes. The Spirit is moving. I'm moved. Where? How? I'm still not even sure.

After hearing a bit about narcissism a little today, I relate in this very moment reflecting on the day at Catalyst, because there's a tension in me. One part wants to get things out, written words, for my own good, and then the other part says "why do you need to put that on your blog? Is it useful for building anyone up? Is it really helping anything being at a worldwide web address rather than just inside your head or heart?"

That tension is so meager in comparison with the tension between self and Spirit, pride and humility, fear and trust, insecurity and belonging. If you were to put each of those on opposites ends of a few ropes, I'd find myself in the middle, racing around among them all, rope to rope. But as the theme of Catalyst this year captures, "the tension is good." That, it is.

In this place in the middle it seems we're more reliant on the Spirit, rather than ourselves, and that's exactly where I need to be. So while I have no clear answers for my life in any areas where there are question marks, this much I know: follow the Spirit.

Listen.
Trust.
Surrender.
Follow.

There is no other answer.

1 comment:

Jess said...

It's good that you shared- it speaks to the exact place that I find myself in my life. So thanks for writing, and please keep doing it. :)