Saturday, April 23, 2005

today: a glimpse of my long week

Here's a little tale about my morning:

As of last night I have no voice. I was sort of sick Monday & Tuesday, then it started to go away until it got worse on Friday with an accumulating cough. Then my voice began to gradually fade while I was in Springfield shopping, and this morning I woke up and it was completely gone. It couldn't have been a worse morning for that to happen. Let me tell you the story...

First of all, today we had an Early Registration Day for new students to sign up for classes. Of course it's a part of my job to be there, so the plan was to be there at 8:30. Went to bed last night, set the ol' dual alarm clock for 7:00 and 7:30. Woke up this morning from a very vivid dream because I heard someone playing the piano downstairs at Einstein's, looked over and saw my alarm clock flashing. I freaked out for a second, sat up very quickly, remembered where I needed to be, ran to the living room to check that clock to see the real time, all the while hoping it would say earlier than 8:30, but to my dismay it read 8:43. I checked to see if anyone had called my cell yet wondering where I was, began to call the office and let them know what happened, and then realized I couldn't call b/c I had no voice and no one would hear me on the other line. So, I ran through the house throwing my hair into a ponytail w/ some added hairspray for fun, threw on clothes that didn't need ironing, applied enough makeup to make me look presentable, slipped on brown sandals (which I later regretted when I found out that it was winter outside), forgot to grab my parka that I thought I had left in January, jumped in my car and sped off to campus. I arrived at 8:54. (Yes, record time I think!)

And when I arrived, I could barely do my job of mingling with students & parents without a consistent voice. Sometimes I open my mouth and words come out, sounding like a growl, and sometimes it looks like I'm whispering. So, I just smiled and waved to people I wanted to talk to and felt extremely rude and held back by not being able to hold a conversation. I'm pretty sure my co-workers probably thought for the first 25 minutes when I wasn't there that I just decided not to come, because I was in a bad mood at work on Thursday and Friday. They probably thought I just wasn't going to show up and that I quit. or maybe not.

It was quite the morning that I wasn't expecting to have to end this looong week. Nevertheless, it was my Saturday morning.

What I've realized today is this: it is quite lonely to not have a voice. I can't talk to anyone. I can't contribute to any conversation. I can't say what I'm thinking. I can try to explain myself, but it's hard to get the words out. I can't silence my thoughts by singing along with music. I can't even try to sing, because no words come out. I feel worthless and useless. At least I can write, which is why I'm blogging right now!

Losing my voice is certainly not my favorite thing. I will, however, enjoy when it returns just enough that I can call it my sexy, wispy voice. I have always loved getting that. Just call me Phoebe.

I'll leave you with some final, more positive thoughts. These are a few of my favorite things:

~an Orange CreamSlush from Sonic (mmm....yummy)
~my velour J-Lo outfit in this exact color that I'm wearing at this exact moment. So comfy.
~the feeling of comfort after putting on Blistex Lip Medex when your lips are parched
~a good laugh
~a perfect cup of vanilla tea made w/ just the right amt. of milk & sugar
~being able to write all I want since I can't talk
~being able to write all I want even when I can talk
~Ty Pennington's compassionate heart
~my sweet hip-hop mix CD
~being able to listen to Missy Higgins for free from her website -- (sorry i write about her all the time...just happens to be when i'm listening to her!)
~when my niece cuddles up to me or hearing her sing "keeenup, keenup, everybody body keenup..." over and over again
~a semi-sweet Ghirardelli's Chocolate baking bar that I can savor piece by piece and excuse it b/c this is my week to eat lots of chocolate...if you know what I mean. I will eat it as much as I want. Any other week I hardly even like chocolate.
~sleeping on my living room floor when my bed is empty 10 feet away. for some reason, i love sleeping w/ my fluffy old comforter on the floor
~knowing that i'm not so desperate that i'd have to give into the ridiculous piece of mail that i received this week announcing that I could find "The Right One" by simply filling out their mail-in personal profile. Thank God I will never be one of those offense to any of you who may do that, but that's not me!
~beautiful afternoons like this past tuesday that i spent just walking around the Riverwalk in Naperville just taking pictures, laying in the grass w/ my flip flops off, and being able to just relax.

That's all for now. hopefully i'll get to bed early tonight and wake up w/ a sexy, wispy voice. :-) sweet dreams everyone!

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