Garden State

By the way (yes i just posted 5 seconds ago but this is #2)...

I watched Garden State for the first time last night and loved it. When it was over I craved more of it. Thank God I rented the DVD with the bonus deleted scenes and hour-long "making of" feature.

And you know what I loved? It emphasized the realness of love...made it something tangible rather than something that is just imagined. Love that is conversational. Open. Real. Not just a dream of something far, far away. It was a friendship. A life change.


Or maybe I just get caught up in movies too quickly and live vicariously through the characters... Comments? Did you see it?

Ready or Not...Here Comes 2005!

So here comes NYE...should be one of the most fun nights of the year, but somehow that just doesn't always ring true for me. For some reason usually my NYE just isn't as great as I've hoped it would be. Maybe I should just be okay with a night that is just okay, and not some huge movie-like party. Maybe even though I'm planning for tomorrow night to be loads of fun, with lots of people over my apartment, lots of food that I will have prepared, and some good times, maybe no one will even come and I should be okay with that. I think I can be...but you know it'll feel like another February 14th non-celebration, wondering how much fun everyone else is having without me. I can't wait till I get to have all the fun. Why shouldn't I now? I declare that my NYE will not suck this year (nor will my V-Day), even if it does end up just being me and Traubs eating all the food we've made. At least we'll have fun eating!

I think I'll go home, take a bath, read a book, listen to my new fav song: #5 on the Monk & Neagle CD, and have a glass of wine. My new favorite thing to do. Ah, yes. Goodbye.

Recap 2004

So I was inspired by Brian's blog to reflect upon 2004 and see what God has brought me through and what things--whether big or little-- have shaped me in some way. Overall it has been a year of growth, change, decisions, questions, finding out who I really am, and seeking truth and reality. Here are my memos to the things or people (who will probably never read this) who have somehow affected me:

~to my internship w/ One 5 Oh!~ Thanks for teaching me how to be a leader & how NOT to be a leader. I developed a voice to sing and a heart to worship. You made me endure miserably long trips on good ol' Big Blue--Dolly Parton's old bus--with 5 other guys, me the only girl, but thanks for the temporary brothers that I never had and sometimes never wanted. Thanks for a chance to fall in love with Indianapolis & the people I lived with.

~to God during my internships~Thanks for closing doors in my face, opening more, closing a few more, and holding my hand as I walked into those opened again.

~To LCC~I thought I was finished with you but I guess not. When I started working for you I asked myself, "Is this a good or bad thing? I don't really want to be here forever!" and I have concluded that it is good. After 6 months of Admissions Counseling I've questioned my place here and if I'm even good at what I do. Thanks for those people (Kate, Nathan Davenport, Jennifer Staggs, and others) and things that have affirmed I'm where I should be. I feel at home for now and have no idea where else I'd be.

~to Fuel & house church~I'm different now than I was 5 months ago because of you. Well, because of God. But you've shown me incredible people who have defined real, true community to me.

~to Chris Hornbrook & the other leaders in Fuel~we've all taken action in faith toward rebuilding the Acts 2 church within Fuel and it has been incredible. I've loved joining hands on this journey together.

~to Bethany Dillon~ you get my award for CD of the year. By far. You're amazingly wise. You must be older than 16.

~to Matt Wertz~I love you and I'm still waiting for your proposal. Need my ring size? And I expect a song.

~to Margaret Feinberg~your book "Twentysomething" was my security blanket this summer.

~to Donald Miller~"Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God Knows What" are kicking my butt. You've redefined the gospel and the Christian life for me.

~to the people whose blogs I read all the time without them even realizing it (and some don't even know who I am)-- (Cory, Shelly, Doug, Brian L., Brian & Jamie S., Phil, Dustin, Adam, Tyler, Lindy) Thanks for opening up so the world can see a glimpse of who you are. You've made me laugh really hard sometimes and you've inspired me more than you'll know. I want to be more creative, more communicative, more reflective, more open and engaged in culture because of you. Most importantly, you help me to be more real.

~to my seminary class, Shaping the Heart of a Leader~ you've opened all the windows & doors of my heart and started to clean and polish every crevice.

~to my many concerts w/ Shane & Shane, Matt Wertz, Dave Barnes, Bethany Dillon, Shawn McDonald, David Crowder--Thanks for allowing me to worship with you.

~to my married friends--thanks for being great examples of what I can prepare for and look forward to. I cherish our friendships.

~to my single friends--I wouldn't trade our friendships for the world.

~to 2004--Thanks for teaching me.
~to 2005--I can't wait to see what you bring. It better be good!

Can you believe it's only 5 days before Christmas? I can't. It sneaks up on me so fast now that I'm older. When I was little I was counting down all the time and knew exactly how many days away it was. I would wake up in the morning and be so excited to move the little mouse over one day in the green Christmas calendar thing. Mom would put it up each year for me, despite its ugliness. I was never sure whether I should move the mouse to which day in December it was or to move the mouse to how many days left until Christmas. I think I alternated each year. I just always was ready for Christmas, mostly b/c of presents.

Things have changed so much. Now I don't even care about the presents. I'd be fine if my family didn't buy me anything at all. It seems like everywhere people are so worried about who they're obligated to buy gifts for and how much money they need to spend on who still, and so on. It's sad that we've commercialized it so much and forgotten what it really truly means.

I just love the season. I love the excitement. The looking forward to. The smells, the lights, the tastes, the sounds, the warmth. The traditions. Makes me wonder what it was like before the first Christmas--probably somewhat similar, but not in a selfish materialistic sort of way. There had to be so much excitement for the people of Israel to know that a Messiah was coming. The hope of the world was on His way. Their destitution was about to end with the birth of a Savior, Jesus, in the simple form of flesh and blood. Tiny fingers, tiny toes, little eyelashes & fingernails. God, with us. A real person. So fragile and precious, yet so strong, because we know that those little fingers are the ones that created the universe. How incredible. Those hands are the ones that later endured so much pain, and for us! It breaks my heart that a little baby, yet God, would want to go through that for me.

So, Christmas... what does it make you think of? Gifts, of course! I don't think it's wrong to give gifts, b/c they can symbolize something so great, just as long as we don't forget the gift that matters most.

p.s. I wasn't planning to write a "Jesus is the reason for the season" blog, but I suppose that was one. Sorry.

Muslim squirrels?

I thought I'd share this. Lucky you. 2 min. ago I was walking from the Admin. building (after making 1200 copies of something) back to the Admissions office and saw something really funny. There were 2 squirrels on opposite sides of a sidewalk, both about equidistant from the sidewalk, eating and nibbling in the grass. They were both facing the same direction. And then I noticed a third doing the same thing, a little further away. They all seemed to be facing the same way, in the same exact angle, same exact position. It looked like they were facing Mecca.

And then I smiled. Because I knew I would blog about it and you would laugh at how ridiculous I am.

Last night I realized that I just don't like to think too hard about things. That makes it sound like there's a lot on my mind or something, like I'm going through some huge struggle or something, but I'm not. I just analyze way too much- every motive, every thought, every feeling, every word, everything. It wears me out. I'm taking a break from thinking. Can you do that?

Oh! I forgot to add these links to my fav photo sites yesterday:
http://user.aol.com/marcstephens/index.html
http://user.aol.com/lifeasseen/index.html

They're both for the same guy--Marc Stephens--who I actually found b/c he photographed some friends of mine. If you know April Heern, he did her engagement photos & there is one on the site. Same goes for Brandt & Jessica Wilson-- their wedding & engagement photos are on there. pretty cool huh?

enjoy your day. you're alive. the sun is shining. christmas is coming. so is my digital camera.

My new obsession: looking at wedding photojournalists' websites.

Maybe it's a part of my obsession with weddings and my being "in love with love." I think I really just love photography and it's something I'm discovering a passion for.

Photojournalism is so beautiful. In fact, pictures are beautiful. Not always the posed ones, but REAL, TRUE pictures that capture REAL moments. Even looking at other people's pictures helps me to catch a glimpse of what they're like. They capture life. Posed pictures allow us to freeze for just a moment to stop, breathe, and remember being with friends and family. But I love a good picture that doesn't have to be posed, because it catches us in action--the reality of daily life.

I love to go about my day taking snapshots in my mind...some posed, but most of random observations around me...I can't wait to get my new digi-cam for Christmas. I'm starting a new hobby.

Take a look at these websites I found. Note: they're mostly all wedding photos, but I just think there is so much beauty there. Let yourself get caught up in their moments.

www.davidwittig.com
www.accentoflight.com
www.edmonsonweddings.com/photography2/index.php
www.jkhphoto.com

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)


I really like that quote. Puts into words how I see the world. Think about it.


I'm noticing how much lately I'm mesmerized by the idea of love. I can't wait to be in love, and I love to see other people in love. It's so beautiful, and it's so obvious that marriage is a reflection of God's love for us. He shows us how much He loves us through marriage relationships. I look forward to that.

So many things I'd like to blog about today...what will I choose?

Weber Wedding Weekend: went well. (WOW--lots of W's in that.) No seriously, it was so much fun, mostly because I got to see my girls Faith & L.A. from Johnson and Becka and Abbra (and her husband Mike) from CBC (or CCU I suppose). We had such a blast. So refreshing. Isn't it amazing how 6 girls who spent only 6 weeks together can feel like we've been best friends for 6 years? I love it.

Last night I was reminded of how big God is...again. We prayed for God to heal a guy from Fuel, Eric, who just found out that the mass in his stomach is a rare form of pancreatic cancer. We prayed believing that God would heal Him for His glory. I have a hard time with that, but I realized that that's stupid. It's nothing for God to just reach down and heal someone. It's as easy as it is for me to chew a piece of gum. That simple. God is huge.

And then, last night, I found myself disappointed about something really, really stupid. It's personal so I won't share it all here. But what really makes me mad is that I let my wishful thinking about someone that has been haunting me for 4 years--my own fault--change my mood completely. In my effort to avoid sharing too much, this may be incoherent and difficult to understand. But if you know me well enough, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you know the song "You Don't Know Me"--that's what I listened to on my way home to Lincoln. That explains it.

I wanted to write in this today but I have no flow of creative juices at the moment. So, i'll make a list. Because those always work.

Where I want to go on vacation next: California.
After that? Europe again.

What I'm kind of annoyed with hearing about but really just jealous of: honeymoons.
Two weddings in two weeks in one office. When is it my turn?

Worried about: how I'm going to freeze in a sleeveless shirt and skirt at the wedding tmw.
I'll get over it.

Thankful: that my 1:30 appointment to fill out retirement plan papers only took approx. 2 minutes. I didn't really want to have to space out while he repeated information to me that I heard about 2 months ago, didn't understand, don't remember, and feel stupid about for not understanding and having a business degree.

Thinking about: how i'll see my BCG's in a few short hours!!! yay!

Feeling bad: because I just bored any possible blog readers out of ever reading my blog again. Sorry. Please come back again! And leave a comment--even if it is to say that this was the stupidest blog entry you've ever read. (although I've written worse.)

Peace be with you.

O come, O come Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel

That mourns in lonely exile here until the Son of God appear

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to Thee, O Israel.

O come, O come, great Lord of might who to Thy tribes on Sinai's height

In ancient times once gave the law, in cloud and majesty and awe.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to Thee, O Israel.

O come desire of nations, bind in one the hearts of all mankind.

Bid Thou our sad divisions cease and be Thyself the King of Peace.

Rejoice! Rejoice!

Emmanuel shall come to Thee, O Israel.

____________________________________________________

...and they will call him "Immanuel"--which means, "God with us."

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Take O take me as I am.

Summon out what I should be.

Set your seal upon my heart

and live in me.

I could never become a drug addict, that's for sure.

I've been taking this generic cold medicine yesterday and today, and it's starting to scare me. (by the way, i have no idea if i even have a cold, it could have been strep. i'm not real sure, but thought i'd try the cold meds...they've worked!) I remembered taking it last year when I had a cold and it started making me feel dizzy, but I thought i'd try it again. Yesterday I took it twice (normal dosage, don't worry) and it made me feel GREAT, but a little spacy and tipsy. I liked it. This morning I woke up and I'm pretty sure the side effects were still in action many many hours later. So at lunch time today I took more, b/c I didn't want to get a headache and neckache anymore, and now I regret it. Since then I've been panicky and thought I was going to have an anxiety attack in Cracker Barrel. I just had to get out of there! It was almost like there were twice the side effects that I had yesterday. Finally the panic has worn off and now I just feel good and relaxed, and quite spacy still. But I will not be taking anymore unless absolutely necessary. Side effects are so weird and can be scary!

With this being said, I know I could never become addicted to drugs. I'd get too scared!


In other news...
-spa party tonight at krista's to prep. for her wedding in 3 days
-finished my Life Map project for Shaping the Heart of a Leader and really loved seeing how different people, events, and ideas have shaped my life.
-I was really encouraged by people in my class discussion group today. God has totally been reassuring me lately through the affirmations of other people. I love that.
-for some reason, O Come O Come Emmanuel has been my fav song lately... it's resonating with me. listen to bethany dillon's version at her website: www.bethanydillon.com

I think I have strep throat. Or at least I'm getting it.

It sucks.

I hate sore throats, and I am a big baby.

The only thing worse than a sore throat is being nauseous or throwing up.

As long as this goes away by Friday for Krista & Josh's wedding weekend, I'll be fine.

Just talked to Faith (from Johnson Bible College), about the wedding, and can't wait to see her and Laura Ashley as well as Becka & Abbra!!! So excited for the Bible College Girls' (BCG's) Reunion!

So I decided to change the name of my blog today... Decided it was time to depart with my beloved quote from Will Ferrell in Anchorman, "I AM A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!" It just stuck with me... Maybe sometime I'll revert back to it.

But for now I felt like my blog is more thought than emotion...maybe a mix of both, but whatever. And for some reason yesterday I realized that my blog is sort of like a trap door...like somewhere my thoughts get a chance to escape to or maybe accidentally fall into. If I don't get them out in real-life conversation then they appear here, because they can't just stay in my head! Did I mention how much I love the blogging world?

It's my Christmas Extravaganza weekend. Last night I saw Christmas in the Chapel and I will again tonight, and tomorrow afternoon I'm catching the matinee of "Our God Has Come" at Eastview. Sure they might have a million cool lights, but I will still hold my cherished Christmas in the Chapel higher in my heart. The storyline this year is incredible...Jeff Colleen is a genius for writing it all each year. This time I'm even more amazed. I miss being a part of it, and of course each year I will continue to join in singing the finale of Good Christian Men, Rejoice! There's a special feeling inside that the song brings, and it could never ever be the same outside of the realm of LCC's Christmas in the Chapel. No other arrangement, accompaniment, director, or chorale would do it justice in my mind. And no matter how many times I've performed it in the show over the past 4 years, the feeling's there every time. Don't know what it is...but I love it.

I'd like to refer you to read Mike Baker's (as well as Barney Wells') preparation for the Theological Coffeehouse we had today in the LCC warehouse on "where the church is headed culturally." If you get a chance go to:

http://www.lccs.edu/events/TCH.htm

It's good to read both Dr. Wells' and Baker's sides, but I particularly agree more w/ Baker. Let me know what you think.

Storytime...

Last night I was sitting in Einstein's, drinking my peppermint steamer and attempting to finish Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart for my seminary class, when suddenly a large mosquito landed on my cozy fleece shirt. While he sat there for a second I silently said to him, "What on earth are you doing here? It's snowing outside and it's freezing cold. Shouldn't you be gone by now?" And so I shook my arm at that, and he flew away in an instant.

How is it that mosquitoes still exist in the winter? I just don't understand...they better not be carrying some gross disease, that's all I have to say! I even have a bite on my left arm from another mosquito incident. Weird!