because it just needs to be said...

I realize compared to my last post, this one is completely pointless and meaningless. But I just need to vent.

There are some songs that I just cannot stand right now, and I wish I could send a memo to all radio stations to either limit or cancel their play of such ridiculousness. If I had to make a top 10 list of worst songs on the radio right now, this would be it:

#10: This is Why I'm Hot, by Mims. My brother-in-law likes to think this is his theme song, and it's pretty funny to hear him sing it. I like the chorus, but it gets slightly too repetitive and I get bored about 30 seconds into the song.

#9: How to Save a Life, by The Fray. OK, I like the Fray. But not when we hear the same song over and over again. This one was good like a year ago when the CD came out, thanks.

#8: She's Like the Wind, by Lumidee. Who the freak is Lumidee? And though Patrick Swayze attempted to pull this one off for Dirty Dancing and it somehow worked for the movie, let's just leave this song alone from now on.

#7: Irreplaceable, by Beyonce. If you've read my blog before, you probably already know I'm not a fan of Beyonce. I just can't take anymore...but somehow, I like her song with Shakira...

#6: anything Nickelback. They all sound the same. Enough said.

#5: Don't Matter, by Akon. I cannot handle the part that goes "cause we gon' fight, oh yes we gon' fight, believe we gon' fight..." Way too nasally for his own good. I feel like I'm in munchkin land when I hear that part.

#4: Break It Off, by Rihanna and Sean Paul. What does it mean to be somebody's "shorty" anyway? I mean, I guess whenever I like some guy I could just sing to him "wanna know boy...if i can be your sho'tay..." hm...

#3: Over It, by Katharine McPhee. I heard this song for the first time and sorta liked it. Then about 30 seconds in it sounded like every other song that Hilary Duff, Kelly Clarkson, and all the other pop girls have had. I'm sooo over that.

#2: Lips of an Angel, by Hinder. In fact, ANYTHING by Hinder. I still can't believe some country artist stooped so low as to cover this song. Unbelievable. I feel like I'm being yelled at whenever I hear his voice.

#1: Glamorous, by Fergie. OK, Fergie. We get it...you know how to spell. You don't need to turn every song into a spelling bee. This song makes me cringe.

That's all for the sarcasm today, folks. I just had to get it off my chest.

'Till next time...

Around the World...Romania, Pt. 3

I'm back again...with more pictures and plenty of thoughts from my trip to Romania. Since I've been back it's been a whirlwind of events and being sick (I'm better now...had a not-so-fun bacterial infection of some sort) and finally trying to unpack my suitcases still after being back for 3 weeks. Today has been refreshing as it was the Christian Women's Conference at LCC (a.k.a. Ladies' Day or "Skip Day" to students...), and we had some great speakers. The day has had a somewhat cheesy reputation in the past, but it really is beginning to change. I listened to 2 of the speakers this morning (Priscilla Shirer and Lisa Harper) and they were both completely solid, not-fluffy, deep Biblical communicators. I was coming to Bloomington already this evening, so I was able to bring Lisa Harper and her assistant to the airport here. Just our conversation in the car was refreshing to me, and it was fun to talk to her! I think it was God-ordained that I brought her instead of one of the other speakers.


Anyway, we came earlier than planned, so I'm enjoying a little time in Panera to catch up, email, do some work, write, and now share some more of Romania with those of you who care enough to look!

In the car on the way here, Lisa was talking to me about some of my passions. There's no doubt that I'm passionate about music, but I can't get away from the fact that I have a strong passion for missions. Now, I know pretty darn well that I'm not cut out for being a full-time missionary on the field. I'm not trying to limit God at all, but I just don't think He's created me to do that. I think He's specifically given me the compassion to conribute, but my gifts and strengths work better to strengthen and support those who actually are in the field. I just hope someday I'll be making enough money to actually contribute...but then we can all keep waiting until we make "enough" and it will never be enough.

Missions is one of those things, though, which makes people reluctant to give money to. When you look at all of the TV commercials and so many organizations like Compassion and World Vision and Gospel for Asia and all of the places you can support, it's hard to know where your money's going to. I can speak for the latter 3 with the knowledge that they are truly giving their money to the little faces you see on the packets at concerts and other events. Their directors aren't living in mansions and driving Ferrari's on your dime. I'm thankful for that. I hope and pray that all of them are.

I'm digressing somewhat from what I wanted to share, but my point is this: the faces on those cards are real people. The money we have truly makes a HUGE difference in the lives of other people. I hate myself for spending $76 on a purse that isn't worth it knowing that I could have just fed a family for a month. I'm left, frustrated with myself, knowing I could have made a difference. Instead, I just have a different purse. This is sad.

These words about poverty and change don't carry much power or influence, though, until you see the need firsthand. While we were in Romania, we had the privilege of visiting a poor Romanian village. We delivered bags of necessary food and drink items to about 12 families that lived in huts made of blue tarp, random scraps of wood, cardboard, rugs, blankets, and anything else they can find. It was the closest I had ever come to true poverty, and it was unbelievable. These people live off of whatever they can scrounge up, and I can't help but wonder if their lives will ever be any different. Society gives them no value as human beings, so their chances of ever having a job are highly unlikely. They can only rely on the waste of other people and the compassion that the Church will hopefully have there in Romania.

Being there and able to see these homes, the people's faces, their few belongings, their pride in what they have, their need for what they don't...it is something that changes you. It's still changing me. I'm not fully there yet. But there's something about seeing the inside of a 10' x 10' house for a family with 5 kids, smelling the burning of a fire on which their little food is cooked, seeing & smelling human feces on the ground because there is nowhere else to go...these things cannot go untold. These people have stories that need to be shared, and that's the reason I write. Their lives have worth. That's the reason I have pictures to show you about this. It felt awkward taking pictures of their lives, because I didn't want them to feel like a spectacle. However, this is the only way I can bring a picture of their reality to yours and mine. Here's a bit of life that we can barely comprehend. Let it sink in a bit...

(above) We got to go in this house...
(below) This is the family who lives here...


(above) They brushed these things out of the way to "clean up" for us as we were able to enter their home.

(below) This was the inside of their tiny home, complete with rugs hanging on walls, one giant bed that this family of 5-6 all sleeps on, random articles of clothing piled up, and a radio playing with some music.

(above) A husband and wife proudly posed in front of their home for us.
(below) One of the little boys immediately started eating some cookies from a bag of Joe's (or similar Romanian wafer cookies) that we took them.

The picture above is one of my favorites and sums up what I felt inside of the tiny hut home we saw for about 3 minutes. This was the sheet hanging in their window in place of a curtain. I noticed the sun shining through the colorful fabric and couldn't help but think about the rays of hope that I so often miss. I hope the people living here can see the sunshine in the midst of their world that seems dark and empty. Their physical needs are great, and I'm sure their emotional needs are even greater. I pray that the light of truth is shed on their lives as their lives shine light into my own. It makes me praise God for His colors of creativity...

Around the World, Pt. 2

There is still so much to process as I look through my pictures from Romania. It's hard to describe the country or just the city of Oradea. The entire time we were there, I couldn't wrap my mind around a way to describe what it looked like, felt like, smelled like, tasted like...

...the only word I can come up with is this: unfinished. That's how it looks. Some things look Westernized, and others look completely undone. Some houses are big, beautiful, bright-colored homes with a gated driveway, and others might live a mile down the road in a hut made of tarp and random scraps of wood. Brand new things are being built while older buildings are in shambles. Either way--new or old--things just look like a work in progress, incomplete, unfinished.

While the looks of Romania seem unfinished, that was the feeling there in the hearts of the people. I don't think that's a bad place to be. In fact, I wish we allowed ourselves to be a little less finished and complete in our state both spiritually and economically as a nation. My instincts were to look down in pity at them as we often do other countries, because we think they have less than we have. While it may be true in the sense of belongings, I think we're missing a lot of the pieces that they seem to have in place. When we left, my joy was greater than I had experienced in a long time, and I know that's a piece that I found in Romania. I think there are many more left to find.

I'm still processing so much from this trip, but here are more pictures to enjoy and allow you to process some of the beauty of the city of Oradea and its people. I plan on posting more soon! Trust me, there are plenty...and these are only some of my favorites!

a walk around the world...Part 1

I don't even know where to begin writing about my trip to Romania. I recall writing 2 weeks ago that I had no idea what I was stepping into in going on this trip. It's clear to me now that God had some things in me He wanted to change and some things in the world He wanted me to see. Our 8 days there didn't seem quite long enough, and I'm here wishing I was still there. After traveling 6000 miles and over 15 hours of transportation, my feet have walked on different soil. The ground there was pretty hard and rocky, and now that I think of it, that's how my heart felt before I left. I'm glad I walked on different soil for a few days...

Enjoy some of my photos and journal entries from the trip that will hopefully give you a picture of what I experienced in another part of the world...

4/2/07-“It’s already starting to sink in…all that we’ve experienced thus far in Romania (which really isn’t all that much). I realized tonight while playing baseball with Florine & Feri that these kids are bringing out a joy in me that’s just been missing for awhile. It’s like I had forgotten how to laugh and play, and I’m rediscovering joy in such simple things like basketball (and my lack of skill therein), baseball, taking a picture, getting a kiss on the cheek from a little boy, or pushing a little girl on a swing.

These children simply want my attention and love, and deep down I think I really just want theirs! My selfish heart came here empty, but day by day it’s filling up more as I give and receive love and experience the true joy & community they live in. We make such great efforts to have a strong sense of community in the American church, and it never seems to fit for me. Here, community happens because it MUST in order to survive. The kids who live at Caminul Felix were abandoned, some malnourished, mistreated…now they’re in homes with parents who love them unconditionally. That’s something they could never dream of in the public Romanian society or from their own biological parents. These kids have already withstood more trial than I have in life, and it’s only going to make them stronger. I pray that the ministry of Caminul Felix and the people around them will help to grow them into world changers.”

4/5/07--"“…We just got back from the gypsy village, and a little girl stole my heart. Her beautiful smile and adorable face made my heart melt. Though her clothes were dirty and worn, she had the most charming little smile that only made me smile inside. We couldn’t communicate at all, so I asked a translator to ask her name for me. It was Sarah. I pointed to myself and told her my name, and with a tiny little voice she pronounced 'man-dy'. I held her the entire time we were there and we just made each other giggle. I would push her bangs back out of her eyes and tuck them behind her ear, and then she would do the same to me. Never before have I learned to love a little girl so quickly and without using words.

It was amazing to see all of the children run down the street at the gypsy village just to see us. As soon as we arrived, our vans were swarmed with kids who just wanted to play with us and have their pictures taken on an digital camera so they could see themselves making silly faces! It was so incredible…

These kids are so beautiful and they seem to find joy in such simple things...It's a shame I have to travel around the world just to learn a lesson like that, but I'm thankful that I did.

Stay tuned for more...there's so much to say and so many pictures to show off! I can't wait to share more w/ you!

here goes...

So off we go in about 2 hours...(well, to go to O'Hare, but we leave the country @ 7:35 p.m.!!!) It's so crazy to think about being in a different country in 24 hours. Well, more than that I guess... The pink circle above (that you can't read very well...) is Oradea, Romania, and that's where I'll be! We have an 8 hour flight to Zurich, Switzerland, an hour or 2 layover, and then a 2 hour flight to Budapest, Hungary from where we will continue our travels on a 4 hour van ride to Oradea.

I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for this trip. It's more than just seeing a new country and visiting a new place and playing with little kids. It's so much more than anything we'll do while we're there. God is a bigger God than that. We have to stand back and let Him do His thing with us as He chooses.

If you remember to, pray for us this week as we're in Romania! We'll be back on April 7th, the day before Easter. Pray for the people we're going to encounter, the students in our group, those of us who are leaders on the trip, the many kids who are left orphaned in Romania, the families who take them in at Caminul Felix (where we are staying & working), and pray that God will do more than we could ever ask or imagine. I honestly have no idea what I'm even stepping into, but here goes!!!

Also, if you would, please pray for a little girl named Regan Mills...and for her family. Her little body is fighting to breathe and fight off pneumonia among many other things. Her life is such a blessing to so many people in a way that we could never live up to...and yet we try so hard and miss the mark. It truly humbles me. It is a confusing and crazy thing how God works, but He still does. If you want to stay up-to-date with their family, check out the Mills' Family blog.

I'm off to grab some lunch and head out, but I hope to update once we get there! I plan to at least send out an email from an internet cafe to let many of you know we arrived, but I'll update if I can!

peace...

catch me if you can

How is it that weeks just keep on flying by, and here we are at the end of March already? Somedays I want the time to fly by so I can get through the busy times and moments of dread and get to something new or different in my life. Other days I wish life would just slow down so I can enjoy those moments of pure joy or more than 30 seconds of a breathtaking sunset on a breezy, sunny evening. But I can't control the time, and that's probably a good thing.

Anywho, as these days are fleeting by, I've been busy being forgetful, anxious, scatterbrained, and curious. I've had moments where I love being by myself, moments where I love being with my family, and moments when I actually wished I lived in community again like in the dorms. (That was a very brief moment, because rarely do I envy dorm life.) Sometimes I just miss the way us girls used to sit around together doing nothing but at least doing nothing together. It's way more fun to do nothing with other people than by yourself in an apartment.

Thankfully, I've had plenty to keep me busy and away from having nothing to do. I leave for Romania in 3 days...in fact, my flight leaves O'Hare in approximately 71 hours. While I'm preparing for that, I'm trying to make sure things are ready for the Bethany Dillon/Warren Barfield concert here on Friday, April 13th (if you didn't know about this, you should come! It's @ 8:00...tickets are free to LCC students, $10 for everyone else...so it's a pretty good deal for a fun night! Bring lots of people too!). Among those details, I'm trying to do what's actually my job and get students to LCC!

Because I like lists, here are the other things going on in my brain that have nothing to do with anything:

• I have pretty much gotten nowhere with my March Madness brackets this year...though I do have Ohio State winning it all, I have them beating Kansas. Too bad they're already out...
• I don't think I have a free weekend until May...is that sad or good? I can't decide.
• My new fave song="A Little Bit More" by Jamie Lidell...the one on the sweet Target commercial. I am in love with it. and I think I'm going to have to buy his music, b/c he's pretty much amazing.
• I hate when sad things happen and when people get sick and when babies are lost and when old age steals the fun out of life.
• I love this weather and the fact that I can run and walk outside again after work in the evenings...and that the sun is out until 7:30 or so at night.
• I'm ready for my new purse that I ordered to come in...
• I hope I can get some sweet pictures in Romania...I'm really hoping for some good ones.
• I'm probably going to have to send my dentist's office a postcard, because now that I've been there like every day since last Wednesday adjusting my crowns, we're all BFF.
• I love this weather. did i say that? and the smell of rain tonight coming through my window was incredible...i want a front porch so badly...

And on that note, I think I'll go back to enjoying that lovely smell...and a new episode of The Hills.

my grill...

I have an expensive mouth.

Or at least, I'm going to after tomorrow.

While I eat my super soft lunch right now of yogurt and peanut butter and jelly, I thought I'd share with you my dental madness. First of all, I would like to let you know that I take very good care of my teeth. I didn't when I was younger, but I do now. And I started off this year making my resolution to floss every single day, and I have! Thus far, that seems to only be causing more problems...

I have a hole in one of my old crowns or fillings that I'd had an appointment to get a new crown for tomorrow. This morning as I was eating a most delicious apple & berry granola bar I realized that something felt weird on the OTHER side of my mouth. To my surprise, I found that a chunk of my tooth was missing...so now tomorrow I will be receiving TWO crowns. Though they won't be made of gold, I'll have quite a costly mouth.

I guess you can't really call it a grill unless they're on the front teeth like rappers...but oh well...

I'll either be hanging w/ Nelly the rapper or someone's Great Grandma Nelly at the nursing home if my teeth keep falling apart...

i'm back

i'm back from vegas. but i don't want to be.

i wish i was still laying by the pool.

blah.

at least the weather's getting warmer in illinois now.

viva...

Tomorrow, I will be seeing this sign live and in person. And I CAN'T WAIT!!!
I will also have you know that the thing I'm looking forward to most is the fact that the low temperatures are expected to be the high temperatures here in IL while I'm gone. Praise God for warm weather. I am ready to sit by the pool (even if it is only 77 degrees) in my swimsuit and bask in the glory of sunshine and warm weather.

Random sidenote: If you haven't heard David Crowder's new song "Oh the Glory of it All" you should hear it. It's good. Though I hope churches don't go hogwild and overdo it like they do every other Tomlin and contemporary "worship artist" song. It's good stuff though.

refreshing words...

These words couldn't have come at a better time than when I was lying in bed last night, praying that I'd sleep through the night without waking up in a panic like the night before. I hope these words can bring you peace in the midst of anxiety like they did for me. I'm so thankful David was so honest...I pray we can be more like him in showing our humanness.

Psalm 4
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
Be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;
the Lord will hear when I call to Him.

In your anger, do not sin.
When you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Offer right sacrifices, and trust in the Lord.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.
You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O Lord,
make me dwell in safety.

east coast, ya'll...

i really have very little to say, and honestly I'm not sure why I'm awake at 1:30 a.m. tonight in Baltimore. I'm hanging out @ Kate's house and watching Conan while she's asleep on the couch.

We've had an eventful day today, and I'm excited about our weekend to just hang out and shop and have fun! I just made the coolest craft project ever, and I'll have to post a pic of it another time. I think I might just have to open up a store that sells these things...it's pretty darn cute.

Tomorrow we're going to paint pottery, which is a fun pastime with Kate! I love that we can be crafty together. I'll take some pics then and post those later too!

In other news, it's just as cold out east as it is in Illinois. I'm ready for summer. Mom, Cory, and I are heading to Vegas a week after I'm back from Baltimore, so that will have to suffice for my warm weather needs for now.

Until then, I'll enjoy the accents, seafood, and shopping of "Baldamor" and some good friend time w/ Kate!

so much to say, so much to say, so much to say...

i'll do my best to make this as brief as possible.

1. First things first, people, search your peanut butter. I just located a recalled container of Peter Pan Peanut Butter w/ the first 4 digits of 2111 in my sister & brother-in-law's cabinet. If you're out of the loop, it's been recalled. Check the news. Now you know.

2. Fellow Grey's Anatomy watchers, we need to talk. The show better not turn into just "Anatomy" next week. I'll quit you, Grey's Anatomy, if you do such a thing.

3. 3 words: John Mayer tomorrow.

4. This is what I've been waiting to blog about all day... in light of ESPN columnist Bill Simmons' Grammys Diary, which my friend Dustin highlighted in his blog the other day, Lindsey and I put together our own diary of our morning at the enlightening Equip Conference in Peoria, IL. Background: Equip is a "Christian Workers Conference" in Peoria that mostly offers workshops to people who teach Sunday School. I'm also almost positive that the people there walked in the doors directly from 1985. (disclaimer: we're already seeking forgiveness for our slighty comments. if you are offended by our judgments, you may want to refrain from reading):

• 8:41 a.m. - We take note of charismatic Arts Conference people across from us and their interesting video. Note to self: Avoid eye contact with strange guy from there who keeps clapping while wearing very ugly vest
• 8:55 a.m. - Lindsey spots 2 mullets while I search for event schedule. I return to spot the second mullet worn by a woman sporting 3 hairstyles: short cut bangs in front, short spikes on top, and curled under chin-length oompa-loompa hair in the back. Does it get any better than that? Who needs to choose a hairstyle when you can sport 3 of them simultaneously?
• 9:06 a.m. - Avoiding eye contact with crazy arts conference guy no longer works. He approaches the table, proceeds to force information about his arts, drama, dance, miming, flags conference upon us, and is kind but slightly pushy.
• 9:32 a.m. - I spot the best outfit of the day...straight from 1991 maybe? Head to toe: brownish gray hair in low side ponytail, hunter green turtleneck w/ small white pine trees, turtleneck tucked into (so you can see the line where it's tucked in) black stirrup pants...yep, i said it, stirrup pants, and black hiking boots. I realize that '80s styles are coming back, but I'm pretty sure this one was oblivious rather than intentional.
• 10:17 a.m. - Random guy stops by to ask just one question about our school: "Does your school teach baptismal regeneration?" So Lindsey and I think silently, look at each other, look back at him and say "and by that you mean...what, exactly?" to which he responds with "that's all i need to know..." and walks away. Later we realize that no, we do not believe in that nor does LCC teach it.
• 10:34 a.m. - Arts Conference people continue to clap to their own DVD...this continues throughout the day.
• 10:42 a.m. - I discover that cultures are suddenly clashing--there's a lady wearing a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt, a long denim skirt, and...what's that in her ear? a Bluetooth? interesting...someone got half the memo at the change in decades...
• 10:49 a.m. - We consider going to visit the booth that supplies resources for all of your feltboard needs. Maybe I should make one on how NOT to teach Sunday School lessons? unless the church is "bringin' feltboards back...(yep)"
• 11:28 a.m. - Yet one more interesting person stops by to inform us that he has attended 18 colleges...and proceeds to display to us his actual I.D. cards from several of those colleges as well as providing us with a brief history of his family name and their travels from Europe.
• 11:40 a.m. - We go to lunch and revisit 2007 for a short time.
• 1:13 p.m. - We return to find Sarah here for her shift and keep her company until we leave at 2...also to prepare her for her experience. While doing so, arts conference guy begins more awkward conversation and impolitely comments that we are not an exciting school because we are not forcefully recruiting people walking by...(which means, we are not shoving our school down people's throats) to which Lindsey responded with a polite answer that we don't recruit with a sales pitch, but we want our students to want to come to LCC.
• 2:00 p.m. - Lindsey and I head back to Lincoln feeling much more knowledgeable about '80s attire, pushy conservative Christians, socially awkward Christians, and much more after witnessing some of central Illinois' finest.

With all that said, we realize it's quite judgmental and rude, but we could not help but have comments. Jesus loves these people, and so do we. I just wish Stacy London and Clinton Kelly would appear and change their worlds up a little bit. The Christian subculture could get me going in itself with the way it gives Christ a bad name, in my mind, by marketing Jesus only to those who already know Him. That's another topic for another day. For now, I'm off to dream of stirrup pants and oompa loompa hair...ooh, and fanny packs...we saw those as well.

Bringin' Serving Back

I think I have watched this video at least 10 times now... I'm quite proud to know these guys and to say that 2 are LCC Alums and 1 is my former internship mentor.

so so funny.

an update on life...

I actually haven't posted in awhile. Here is a brief and random update on my life:

• Awaken is over and went VERY well. Despite lower numbers, God did some great things at and through the retreat. I was moved, and I was glad. Sometimes during the planning process and making sure things are perfect and ready I miss the point. Thankfully I was reminded of the whole point during the retreat.
• Also, don't be surprised if you find a video of me, Chantell, Emily, and Sammy doing '80s Jazzercise on youTube someday soon. I wouldn't doubt it if someone puts it up there...you might pee your pants laughing if you ever get to see it. We were pretty much maniacs for about 10 minutes, but I wish I could wake up like that every day.
• Somehow I've suddenly become addicted to chocolate. I used to not like it all that much, and I've been hooked on it for several weeks now. Mostly dark chocolate still...as long as I avoid those silly Dove promises in the wrappers.
• 10 days till John Mayer
• 15 days till I'm hanging out w/ Kate in Baltimore
• 23 days till I get to hang out w/ Amanda in Louisville
• 51 days till I go to Romania. WOW. I had to count that one...closer than I thought!
• one more day closer to warmer weather...but not close enough. I hate this cold and if I show up missing someday it's because I've up and moved to Texas.
• about 3 and a half months till I have a little nephew!!!
• I still look fwd to Thursday nights--The Office and Grey's Anatomy--like a 5 year old waits for Santa on Christmas Eve.
• God is working...God is always working. (That is much better if sung to yourself as lyrics to dcTalk's "Word 2 the Father" from back in the day...) but it's the truth. TobyMac knew what he was talking about even in the '80s.
• Today I feel content.
• Good songs I've recently added to my iTunes: Amy Grant's Heart in Motion CD (yes, old school...don't even debate that one b/c it's classic.), Chasing Furies song Thicker (which reminds me of sound checks w/ One 5 Oh!--also an oldie but an amazing song), The Benjamin Gate - Lift Me Up (this song gets me pumped up like none other...love it.), Paolo Nutini - New Shoes, Lily Allen - Smile, and Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good. Oh, and of course our Jazzercise songs: Let's Get Physical and She's a Maniac. Praise the Lord for the '80s.
• tonight i am doing laundry and watching American Idol.
• This weekend I look fwd to watching my 3 year old niece "audition" for 'Merican Idol' in front of my sis, my mom, and me. She should probably get a golden ticket to Hollywood for her cuteness...even if her songs are made up and always involving Home Depot somehow. (she really loves Home Depot...we don't know why.)

Dove promises

Because Dove has such wonderful little dark chocolate promises, you'd expect that they'd actually have some good phrases on the inside of the wrapper. But they don't.

Today Lindsey got this: "Be your own valentine."
And my buddy Jordan got this: "Chocolate always loves you back."

I am thankful I didn't open those today.
Those are not the promises I like to hear.

Can I have the job to write those little things? Seriously.

Horizons...

As Dwight Schrute said last night on The Office, “There’s nothing on my horizon except everything…everything is on my horizon.” Thanks to Dwight’s hilarious wisdom and the strangely corresponding devotion I read last night in a book called The Promise of Winter (over which I will soon rave for your reading pleasure), I was reminded of the horizon that is before me…before us.

Each devotion in this book speaks of a promise, and last night’s was the promise of…yep, you guessed it—horizons. It was based from Psalm 55:6-8 which says this (beginning w/ verse 4):

My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.
Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest—
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”

On days of darkness or fear I just want to run away. I would suspect that most of us would much prefer to escape rather than to stagger in such grave existence. Our feelings are much like that of the psalter as he wishes “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest.” If this were possible, I’d have already flown the coop.

The writer of the devotion also says this:
Always humans reach and dream ahead. Lovers of colored leaves yearn for autumn to arrive. In fall, skiers crave snowy winters, whereupon shiverers long for spring. Spatially, pioneers move to frontiers, and all sorts of people envision horizons beyond which they could adventure, there to soar as if with gulls or to float in the air with doves. Outreaching these harmless fantasizings about what is next, what is beyond, are realistic hopes that they, that we, could move beyond what now holds us back and thereafter find new places spiritually to rest and reside.

…Just beyond the edges of routine life on any day there lurks some threat that prompts a yearning for escape. Such threats menace calendars and agendas. They become hazards just when we need to think clearly, to focus. And thinking clearly means pondering the promises. Thereupon not the image of an elegant dove but instead a stronger figure inspires a longing that is never misguided or misguiding. This One beckons beyond horizons, in the paths of Jesus Christ, who promises first adventure and then rest. We are free to follow.

The writer goes on to pray this prayer: “Sustain me, Lord, so that the flight I long for will not be a vain escape but a realistic movement toward the repose you promise. Amen.” This is my prayer. Although escape sounds like the best route to take in the midst of trial or the mundane commonplace, it is not. The best path is to trudge right through the middle of it. Therein lies the adventure. Sometimes it's an adventure we’d rather not take, but in the end lies a horizon promised to us that is more beautiful than our mind's eye could envision.

As the devotion closes, it provides a scriptural reference to the eleventh chapter of Hebrews which points to the faith and obedience of Abraham as he entered into the promised land. It reads like this:

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

May we never stop looking forward in faith to that city. There is a horizon that awaits. A promise awaits.

thinking in pink and brown...

So as Chantell so greatly described it last week...our birthing has begun. We're pushing and pushing, and our baby is this:

It's time for Awaken '07 at LCC. It's our High school girls retreat that's coming around the corner...quite quickly might I add! We're sort of getting into panic mode as we get all of our plans and details worked out, but it's an exciting time...just like the birth of a baby! If you are a youth minister and haven't signed your girls up for this, you should! (and soon...)

I'm sitting in my office and it's much too late. I need to go home and get on my sweats to go watch American Idol at Lindsey & Matt's. Maybe then I'll stop thinking of all things pink and brown...

randemonium

After re-watching the Dave Barnes Christmas Extravaganza video on youtube (which I also posted on here in December...scroll down if you haven't seen it), I'm in the mood for random.

1. I had the most wonderfully delectable Chocolate Mint hot tea at Barnes & Noble the other night. I'm trying to google it and can't figure out what brand of tea it is...if anyone knows what brand of tea they have at the Starbucks in BN, let me know! It was YUM-O. Speaking of teas, Mom got me some Pomegranate White Tea for Christmas that is also delish.
2. The other night I had the best time just chatting w/ a friend at Panera for hours. I love friends that you can do that with and you leave feeling energized rather than drained.
3. I realized today that sometimes I cannot handle people who are too nice. Does this make me a bad person?
4. I think I came up with my dream job concoction...it would be made up of 7 parts: 1 part singer, 1 part journalist, 1 part traveler, 1 part photographer, 1 part food critic, 1 part social justice/relief worker, 1 part review writer for all things (music, movies, hotels, restaurants, etc.) I think I would enjoy this. Though I don't have the skill I need for all of these, I would certainly love it. That's why it's a dream job.
5. I have to buy a new TV b/c my color tube went out. I'm trying to figure out how I will get my current TV downstairs to the dumpster...
6. Only 23 days left till our 2nd annual girls' retreat, AWAKEN, is here! We have so much to do, but it will be so fun.
7. I've been writing a lot lately. Some of it is deep and some is futile. maybe I'll post some of it someday soon.
8. I have now seen The Holiday twice in the theater. I think I could go again. I'm quite tempted.
9. Trying to book a concert for LCC in April...any requests? I'm having a hard time b/c it's too late for a lot of artists who are already booked or in the studio.
10. Winter sucks.
11. I would like to drink some sweet tea right now.
12. 1 month, 7 days until the Johyn Mayer concert.

And that's all for my random thoughts. Happy reading. Good day.

life amidst the grey...

I just feel like writing, so here I am...

I'm having a hard time focusing on anything lately. I suppose that's normal after losing someone you love. I just feel like at work or at home or anywhere I just sit here and stare...completely unfocused. I'm just not sure what to do or where to go. The morning my Dad died I felt like I wanted all of the world to stop. Obviously, it doesn't. Life must go on, the world must keep turning, and we must keep breathing in and out. It's hard to get life back to "normal" because it won't be the same again. We seem to be doing pretty well, but I'm sure the reality of my dad's absence will come in stages.

It's hard to imagine what people do who lose a loved one who did not know Christ. Our only peace comes from knowing we'll see my Dad again someday. It fills my heart with joy knowing that he had faith in Christ. I just can't imagine life or death without Christ. "For to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Never before have these words from 1 Cor. 1:18 rang more true in my ears: "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." I love this. It is the power of God.

I'm looking forward to the spring and to the new life it will bring. I hate winter. It's grey, dull, and depressing. It's cold outside, and it's cold inside the heart. Lately it feels like all that could go wrong keeps on going wrong. I'm blaming it on winter. I'm ready to see the blessings of little rays of sunshine and colorful tulips and the new life of my niece or nephew to come.

On that note, I think God is beginning to give little hints of new life...starting w/ little Cameron Raymer being born yesterday. I'm so excited for Missy & Jake as they begin they journey of parenthood, and I look forward to finally seeing the little guy!

And I'm thankful for the sunshine today. It's God's reminder that there is good amidst the winter. There is life amidst the grey. Thank God.

proud...

Of all the emotions and thoughts running through my mind throughout the past week, after my Dad's funeral yesterday the one thing that keeps running through my mind is this:

I am so proud of who he was.

The Streator Fire Department and our minister from CCC did an amazing job honoring my Dad in a service that would have made him cry...and he was not a crier. It was so perfectly fitting (tying in every aspect of his life...including his love for Texas Hold 'Em in such a creative way...) It was the most honorable thing I have ever been a part of or experienced, and it has been unbelievable to see and experience the outpouring of love we have felt from friends, family, the community, the church, and even complete strangers. Shelly did an incredible job honoring Dad with her voice, and he wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I'm just sad he couldn't sing the duet to "Chances Are" along with her like he always wanted to.

The morning my dad died, it was really foggy outside. It doesn't seem the fog has cleared, and things still seem like a blur. There are a lot of things that I still don't understand and none of us may ever understand. I've never clung to the "peace that passes all understanding" more than I have this week. My family and I have gone through so many emotions...thankfully including a lot of laughter at old pictures and memories and stories about my Dad.

I have about a million things I want to write and journal about, but the one thing I want the world to know is simply that I am proud of who my Dad was. If you knew him, I hope you are too.